Journal

Read my inner thoughts and insecurities I voice while at work.

Find me after I take a walk

Return once you’ve walked in a circle. Some things to do today: draw up this concept, get 2 more sets of plates to bond. Tack them together with wire? Definitely talk to Karen and update my storybook. That’s really all I have to do. DBBE and Normal Bloom and Meggitt. Start laying out a roadmap for Meggitt too, and for Bloom. Drink hella coffee today. I want it. I think I’ve earned it. Ok I’ve sent a new graphite concept to Eric, and grabbed another coffee. Next on my list is talk to Karen. When you believe in things you don’t understand, then you suffer! Superstition aint the way. 5 Monkeys always. I must tell that story in order to remember it. The superstition that we are interested in are the deeper, more subtle. Learned optimism combats that. Exclusively junk food grocery store. Signs everywhere warning you how bad for you it is. Thermal expansion, and tiles, and undercarriage support. I didn’t sit the second half of my day. It hurts. But worth it. I’ve shown my face and completed some basic things to progress forward and make the start of next week easy. Just CAD and starting the furnace. Lovely stuff. I have to frickin RUN now! Got a bike race to attend!

Plants a seed and it still lingers in my mind

Start the day with easy data, turn the excel into vertical bars. Stupid Excel right now. I can’t get the damn markers to show up! That includes girls. Says Jerry. I haven’t a sip of coffee yet. I feel like I could be accomplishing more. Otherwise my time here on earth is being wasted. IS that true? Nope. Doing Think global, act local. Be a stone pillar. If the seed is food. Nurture that seed with playfulness. The seed is global war, food, cigarettes, Halloween. When I’m home, and I am not high on weed, I can focus on ideas. When I’m high I focus much more on my relationship with my life. Like everything, a balance is needed. Stone Pillar, Dr. Strangelove, Frankenstein. Get on Dean’s case. Talk to Martin. VIP 2 power was turned off. Nobody knows! Could’ve been Carl for all we know. Non-Boolean??!! Not much today, but focus on braze tooling, because that is both a major bottleneck and a major cost.

I left a love letter to a green prius

I hope they received it with a smile on their face. I’m not sure who it is. It seemed female. Then got donuts. New Rick and Morty is mid. It’s gone woke. Best not to be a consumer. You are pulled gently to the sky by the crown of your head. I need to get separator sheets made, and today figure out the tack welding, and put in a rec for the FasTests, and continue refinining my storybook. I think print it out and annotate with pen. That is an effective way to visualize it, and make obvious improvements. ChrisH liked my 10 commandments. I like them. He called me music man, with a hint of jealousy. 1 hour 5s done! The lab looks better and more junk has been floated to the surface. No time to stop. The universe is very fascinating. We’ll never understand it. It’s a humbling experience how tiny we are. Not just we we, not just our home, Earth is a grain of sand on the scale of the universe, or less, just an atom. Let the dead bury the dead. I’ve printed the Senior logbook. Now just to locate all the runs and what it was, I’ll put it in the Staining status excel. I need to get a traveler for more separator sheets and I need to put in a PR for the Sealing Tools. I put in the PR, now to ask for a traveler. Then Take lunch then focus on data collection and head down work. Make the tack welder work. Screw the Tack welder. TIG it. I’ve asked for separator sheet. I’ve updated the drawing for sending for TaC quote. I need to follow up with Teresa in person to make sure I get that traveler and the sheets by Friday. I need to bond over the weekend, with the same program, but increased crush for the additional 2 assemblies. The key to brazing the Bloom parts is good furnace tooling, which eases the problem of assembly, and makes it obvious when it’s not loaded correctly, and no additional ceramic tiles… those suck and don’t even produce good quality or make our lives easier. If they stick like they stuck, then have to be chipped off, NO GOOD. I’m here at 6. Just input the data and leave. I’ve done my time. Play music! Love it! Talk to a friend! Love it! Love yourself. Know that you are here to do something. Be ok with being wrong and overzealous. You learn to feed your imagination, and nurture it with playfulness. You stand out for this. Be striving for a spiritual goal, a personality ideal. Not everybody’s got one of those. It’s the calm before an upcoming of activity! Prepare your body and mind, through guitar, and don’t forget the 1 month goal is coming up soon. Find a new tool. Software. Make multi-layered.

A New 10 Commandments

The paper is dying. College counselors need only to recite number 10 to their students. When you have a whole and meaningful dream, follow it persistently. It is your divinity. I wrote 10 commandments. I don’t love them. The first 3 are distilled wisdom. 4 is obscure from discussion. 5 is my strength. 6 is speculation. 7 is a reminder. 8 is something to grapple with, against my judgement. 9 is a capitalist view of things. 10 is trade secret. I need to order FasTest, I need to prepare DBBE, I need to storybook. That’s really it. I was at Costco getting my hot dogs before taking a nap. I cut a man in line. He clears his voice. Apparently I cut him. There was a gap in the line. I go to the back. I think about my new 10 commandments. I don’t know how to feel about them. I scroll Instagram. I don’t like that. I get my hotdogs, eat at the food court: deli mustard and relish on one, ketchup, mustard and relish on the other. I nap in my car, dreaming about girls and dancing and I don’t know if I even fall asleep in that 15 minutes. Lunch break ends up being 50 minutes, even with no trip to the dance studio. Oh well. Production meeting: I need separator sheets; go through Teresa to Chris, I want to have 2 furnaces modified to dramatically increase capability and control; talk to Aaron about that, not my domain. LOL Back to the 10 commandments. I wrote some of them. Some of them are half-assed attempts at translating real philosophy, badly transcribed from conversations with Vish about the nature of Zen Buddhism. I forget the most important one: Love Life. It’s the unwritten rule. I like having one of those. I can’t remember the unwritten rule from my first set of commandments. I need to get the broken #2 from Vish. I must save it. What is the story of 5 monkeys? It is the story of superstition. Following tradition without questioning. What are my 5 monkeys? Ok, I’ve sufficiently worked on storybook for today. I’d just like to put together a rec for the FasTest bits. Now I’ve emailed Rob Gentil from their sales rep. Now we wait and try to put in a rec tomorrow. Prepare DBBE. I need thick separator sheets for contacting the graphite, and thin for

10 Commandments, Written 08.25.2026

Seeing is to forget the name of thing one sees.
An idea is a seed. Nurture it with playfulness and watch it grow into a piece of art.
You are pulled gently toward the sky by the crown of your head.
There may be a very delicious fruit. There may not be a very delicious fruit.
Have the most fun.
The mind is enriched by learning. The soul is enriched by doing.
10 minute live ambient electronic music set by 09/06/26.
You never know who’s on the other end of the phone line. Sell yourself well.
The cost to replace a defective item on the production line is fairly easy to estimate, but the cost of a defective item that does out to the customer defies measure.
Crush 2%, remove load and soak.

Paired Comparisons

Pair me with my hair and I’m less than just me. Leave my hair behind and I am the spine I am supported by. I am the skull which contains my brain. I am the droplets of water misted off when I rub against the grain. Paired comparison here at work. Bloom is back. What does that mean. The Same exact stuff we were doing before? I presume. This time it has to be done better, cleaner. $500k NRE budget. I have to fight for that. I need paste dispenser robot, I need leak detection automatic seals, and almost certainly some other stuff. Let’s not forget the laser welding trial. Adam wants to DBBE, Carl wants to DBBE, I want to DBBE. Eric is not convinced of DBBE. We’ll get there. Frickin TITAN man. It could DBBE so much. I’m now behind on RCCA for CIA. I like the number of acronyms I’m using in this paragraph. DOE. Paired Comparisons. I will be here tomorrow at 6am to observe and ask questions. I will be able to have a long afternoon because of early work! I’ll take the photo I need to send to Carl. I’ll practice some zen Buddhism. I think I’ll do that by just sitting, and imagine the oneness out of which we are all created. I can’t wait for that. First take the photo, and send the email. The zen will be found in front of the VR-6000. I’m not sure that zen was found at the VR, although peace was. Deming is the best for Philosophy of Quality, which is my favorite aspect of this whole world. Quality is what the world is. I tried the magnet on my sliding door. No dice. My creativity bible is really on its last legs. Time to start constructing a new one. I know that it includes the Tom Sachs one about seeing: “To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees”

The Little Prince

The little prince arrived on an asteroid, unaware of the peculiarities in ritual found among the human people. You may not pour tea for yourself. He liked that one. Cursing people far away for things done in the past. He did not like that one. Comparing the act of eating with men vs eating with women. He did not understand why it might be different. Me at trivia was expounding a recondite matter to the crowd. All the time, something that I was not able to expound hard enough to get people to really think deeply about a subject. Was a forcing it? Of course I was. Was it important to me? Of course it was. A recondite matter. Story of my life. Expounding. For your edification, building up a person’s mind or soul. Enrich your mind through learning, enrich your soul through doing. Someone who has been present in moments may have soul. The sensation of free-flowing, unburdened thought that comes after a meal with people. Soul is connected to nature. Out activity, night sky, with the nature. Hiking. Outdoors, away from technology. Away from Big pharma. No medicine. If your arm is hurting, ok. Natural. No gasoline, No car. No cooking. Maybe gardening with basic hand tools. No cell phone. No social media. Drink room temperature water. NO ICE. ICE COMES FROM TECHNOLOGY. Definitely no soda; causes cancer. When someone talking about new medication. Ask, what company makes that medication? …Uhh, not sure, why? I will buy their stock. Notice the seasons pass by growing crops. Citrus several years. Things I learned about diffusion bonding today. Crush happens where grain growth happens. You only apply full load in the regime where you want crush to happen. This means don’t apply full load until you are at the temperature you want. The pressure range is in the hundreds of psi. At thermal, they were using 950 psi. We’ve been using 450 ish. The mind is enriched by learning. The soul is enriched by doing.

Straight Campari, Homie

Start the day with furnace and moly and scales and All the World’s a stage. Everyone is performing for the great eye in the sky. The meaning of it all is to love and be loved. Simple things. Diffusion bonding resulted in mega squish, Tomo Fujita Guitar Wisdom, the 10 commandments are not natural. Laying the groundwork for a future of high technology. Preparing for the next generation of cold plate requirements. Find the price of little metallized ceramic. What happened today? I am here to learn, all contributions are secondary to learning for my own sake, and loving life more. Wow, I came to the end of the day and have nothing written. I’m going to I stopped to look up the snares tour. I don’t know what I was I’m going to dinner with Ray, no dates this time. That will change next time. I can’t believe I lost focus. I’ll not do that again! There’s so much love to be had. I am learning all the time so that I may love life more. Tomo Fujita is what the fuck I need right now to get me back on track of practicing music so that next time I’m in the place, I’ll be more ready. I can be ready to jam, and get in the groove with people, but if I’m locked to my one style of blues, and if my playing is rigid, I’m being closed off. I practice so that I may have greater control over myself and my environment. I am able to morph the sound across time like techno and ambient do. That is my special interest. I can do it, but I need to practice. World class quality. Love life. Love learning, love and be loved. Greetings. Life is short. Be happy. Be ready for when life becomes more painful. At that moment, be happy, love life. At that moment I will know how to truly love life. At that moment I will blossom yet again. I have been blossoming recently. Take in the moment.

Disposable Sheet Metal Retort?

AMAT has determined that VPE does have the capability to perform controlled oxidation of Inconel 3d additively manufactured and machined parts. We don’t have a large retort, unless we do in 190. Halley’s comet isn’t coming until 2061. I’ll be around. The world will look very different, and yet, probably very similar. Barring some great change in how we build, I presume our world will look the same, with some new fads, and my generation will be reaching retirement age. Science, and thus society, progresses one funeral at a time. That is a strange thing to come to grips with, but it shows that time is on my side. Just as it always is. Work may be different, it may not be. Imagining it takes 5 years to rebuild a long stretch of road, we shall have good roads and modern infrastructure in 2061. We lag behind the rest of the world, because we have nothing to prove to the rest of them about standard of living. We invented the world in which we live today. All the garbage and all the magical things. My debt is to the future generations: of people, plants, animals, fungi. That is my only debt. That debt is paid by spreading love as far as I can, creating gently oscillating ripples throughout the fabric of the world, starting chain reactions that tumble about themselves for however long they need to in order to arrive at their final destination some unknown number of years into the future. In order to transfer my skills to another R&D position, which would take me to san Francisco, I should do a successful DOE, develop processes, Root cause corrective action, and that’s really all I need. The rest falls on my ability to communicate. Stainless is hard to braze with CuSil, because at 800C, the oxide layer is still there. I saw the parts, and they were dully gray, no straw colored tint. I lectured Vish on Bees for far too long. I didn’t do much today, but made sure the bonder is cooling down, so the bloom plates ought to be out tomorrow. They’ll hopefully be bonded. Today was a good day, did not much. Maybe I should be doing more but tomorrow, the fate of the group is decided. I really need to get some applications help from an induction brazing people. It seems so obvious.

Creativity vs Refusal, just like a Dog

Fort Hunter Leggitt. Santa Cruz, Lake Havasu City, Crescent City, Portland. These all places on map. I was in a place on a map. And here we are, back at a place on somebody’s map. Thumbs out of asses. Life is too damn short. Go on dates. Tell people they look beautiful. Get excited and emotional. Live in the moment. Appreciate life so much. Open yourself to your creativity fully. Let it flow through you. Encourage others to do the same. Share that openness and love and creativity with others. Train dogs with love, not anger. Chase good things: things that make you feel alive. Like wipeouts, and music, and dancing embarrassingly, and touching. Work is good. Not because it is the most high tech garbage, but because it, like all things, is an opportunity to practice living right. Do good things for the sake of the rightness, and joy. So here at work today all I have to do is get my bonding trial in the oven, and make progress on the data for Meggitt. Let’s spend 10 minutes now before lunch doing data with Claude. I shall get some water, pee, and then describe what I want, picking up where I left off. Break down the silos? Focus not on destruction. What do you mean by progress? Let my agent try to make my data science easy. I’m probably asking too much. Tube to plate? Where was your braze alloy? Geometry? We can totally induction braze, from the inside maybe. Life is not suffering. Life is pure creative energy… if you want it to be.

Ice House Porcupine

Wow I made it, no sleep and huge bags under my eyes, wet hair, feeling pretty good. The magical mystery ride continues for another few days. No stopping on that. Anton Barbeau. Morgenmusik. Take in so much, and then out of the pile of everything, pull an idea, then gently keep pulling, and then you have a daisy chain. No, that’s not exactly what I mean. Be a Magpie. Clean fire procedure. Furnace qual every 3 months (>1093C), or every 6 months (<1093C). BPS vs TPS. Work feverishly for myself, starting Monday. I know I go through this cycle every few weeks. I do. That’s because each time my vision becomes more clear. Each time I learn more and more about what I am. I am not organizational. I am technical. I am a voice of reason. I develop process. I am a process engineer… for now. I develop process for cleaning, leak detecting, diffusion bonding, brazing, thin film coating. What does this mean for me today, and immediately? Work feverishly for myself. Diffusion bond everything I can get my hands on. Don’t be Ryan. Be a machine which churns out materials engineering. Because right now I’m hardly a materials engineer. I am a stone in the polluted swamp water downstream from a sewer plant, being strong against the waves of shit flowing constantly. Put my best foot forward and walk up out of this wave, find cleaner water, where a bridge may be built atop me. I have to get to the damn end of today. Let’s do it. Lay up the diffusion bonding trial, as best I can, so that next week, I go. You shan’t live imagining the day when everything falls apart. Prepare instead to be ready to take the wild opportunity which is just on the other side of the river. If you prepare to do anything, you prepare to do everything, you prepare for the future in any form, put together or fragmented. Don’t wish for a fragmented future, see a strong future as it is built up from the foundation. See it and it will find you. Consider different fading systems. VPE is a fading system. Employees are fading in and out of existence. Big customers are fading out of existence.

Return of the Ring(tone)

What do you mean, phone? The universe was trying to teach me a lesson about the impermanence of all things. Trying then to recover the phone is to fight against it. When I was home, I was trying to accept this, and I was tired and annoyed and almost resigned. I had a parking ticket in my pocket. What would Tom Sachs do? What would a Stone Pillar do? Tom Sachs would journey to find it, and experience creativity along the way. A Stone Pillar would… walk to and stand in front of the people in the known area, enticing them with the weight of eternity, to assist the searching individual find his phone. I did both, in my own interpretation of things. Looking up to Tom Sachs. I need not envy another man or keep him atop a pedestal, for I am the pillar which is called a pedestal when something not natural to eternity is placed atop. So anyway, I found my phone, and will contest the parking ticket, and what do I do today? Start by walking and getting the lay of the land, then turn focus to preparing the brazing run. But First make sure the cryo is being regened. I need to buy a new nitrogen bottle, start the quality DoE of CIA, paint the graphite, and then it’s free reign. I’ve bought N2 bottle, looped in Eric on the DoE, I need to talk to Teresa about getting parts. First, paint the graphite. This will be a zen and productive activity. Started painting, I look forward to finishing painting. For now, let creativity flow through me as I head to production meeting. I listened to music large room but it wasn’t true large room music. What is large-room-music? Need that answer, then make it.

Shot in the dark, Nope, Find the answer first.

Last night was a magical night. Everything: dance clicked, I recorded a shitty demo and sent it and feel good about it, a fucking cat just walked into my apartment, no bell. I loved it. I read Miranda’s eros book. Everything was perfect. It was the embodiment of opening myself up to greater creativity, and I was rewarded. Rewarded not the right word; really I was just open to the flow of life, and the flow of life thus carried me a little ways down the stream, such that I can see more now. It has a way of bringing things in front of you. Like the cat, for example. My entire apartment, and block, and city, and state and country and world moved through space and time last night, such that it crossed paths with that lovely, silent cat. Just like the meteor dust cloud that we are passing through, which I shall see tomorrow night. We are just passing through it’s zone. Creativity keeps you in motion, so that I may cross paths with more and more things. I interact with more, contribute to more, love more, Love Life. Let me read my bible real quick. The things I need to do remaining today: (1) Brainstorm a plan and put a date and time on cutting open the vac interrupter. (2) Pinpoint the laser weld locations for trial, and send to Eric so that I may get NDA signed. I should eat lunch right now. I’m hungry. Later I have to do things and get ready to bootleg up to Ice house for the night. Think about food and prepare clothes and such. Pack light. The other things: (3) paint the remaining graphite fixtures/assist in getting the furnace run going, and (4) plan with Karen a time to work on the DoE matrix. 1 done, 3 to go. Let production know that we’re going to be rebrazing bloom parts. SpaceX flushing Send it to Umberto to make sure he understands. There was no leak in the bellows, which makes understanding the bad behavior of the Vacuum interrupter harder. Talked to Karen obviously, and we are a good team to institute professional changes to VPE. I am always working for myself. Exclusively for myself. I am learning about people, and organizations, and technology, materials joining, materials, posture, zen, Quality, music. I still have to do the laser weld location map. Let me do that real quick.

Output before Input

What have I been caught out doing? Reading bullshit spam emails and reading into them, before I’ve had the chance to put in my pool. Youtube university is the bane of my existence. Get that shit out of here. It scares me. I like to this I was addicted to it before it was raped. And tthen there was a transition period as it was being raped, and then I was dragged back in, but now I see what it is, and I see how living is so separate from youtube, and how living is so separate from Instagram, and how in an ideal world for me, the internet is about sharing music and art, and books, and that’s it. Did you hear they’re scalping old books, shredding the spines, and quick scanning every page just to fuel the AI fire? Because the AI is so garbage and also so ubiquitous that the internet is on the second wave of AI slop everywhere, which is reacting to the AI slop of the first wave, and there cannot be very many more waves before all is lost. I am who I am, I am my habits, and my habits include getting stoned before bed and becoming a rock on my couch (rocks have thoughts). Got caught input before output again. Music is number 1 focus. Connection, practice, zen. I wish I wasn’t here right now. Reflect on the weekend. Navigation, surf&turf&bacon, youtube university, positive mushrooms, camping, peace, darkness, wild, rope swing. What I did today involved writing my constant thoughts, moving to a new location, settling down, writing my thoughts, then moving and repeating those. I did it at the boneyard, then 110 conference room, then the lab at a new table. Production meeting. The new guy doesn’t make waves (Eric about Karen’s suggestions for Process Spec Safety Notes). Though, she has worked at many places, especially in the past 5 years, and so knows both what is done, and what happens when you start a new job and try to introduce your ideas. Sycophants, Cybernetics, feedback

1 year goal, Turmoil 1 more year

Go thank Jim and hand off the traveler to the correct production member, then prepare the pins (10x cut to length). Good day today. I leave after work I have to pack still. There were ways I could’ve used my late night time a bit better last night. But also give myself a break. Exhausting day. ASML needs us to give them spindle time. Bloom shall not know how we make their plates. Bloom production is nil, but the laser is coming anyway. We’re gonna mess around with laser texturing for braze applications when it comes in. Need to tap tap away before Vish leaves, I can’t have him thinking I don’t journal. Talk with Alex was fantastic, and I just needed to vent, and define 1 month and 1 year goals, and be kind to your former self, and love life with all your heart. That last one is really the most important. Love life with all your heart. I plan to do that this weekend. I am generally pretty matter of fact, and am not constantly making jokes, and when I do, they’re dry. But Work today was investigating. I still need to send off some tack weld instructions to the ppower point so that Amada may be able to demonstrate laser welding. Really I need to get the powerpoint to Eric so that he may sign the NDA so that I can send the parts. I heard Kia and Eric talking about something PO related, related to $500k, related to UPM. Turns out the fabrisonic that Adam B talked about was the UAM ultrasonic additive manufacturing that I had come across a while ago. Control your body, control your mind. I ordered the physics textbook because that is good. I know it’s another thing that I wonthave time to devote to, but whatever. I wont be able to play much guitar this weekend, but hopefully I can practice my live ambient. I had the panning at SDL demoed for me. It’s ok, could be made more expic. Remove before lasering. I think I will be in demand with that one person who I put up the distance on this week. That is just a temporary thing. I have life to share. I have love to share. I have work to share. That’s the three things right?

Same ol Questions, can only be asked so many times

Here we are again, once again after being life mogged. Did I really? I had no stories to share. It is kind of funny at this point. What stories do I really care about? They don’t float up to the surface often. What makes me me? The steady beat. I will gain, and be full of experience, and time is on my side. Badass women only make me love life even more. If I ever get caught feeling like I don’t love life, RESET. I do, and I experience fully. Today I continue on the horse. Make sure I get that traveler, and make sure that stop-off-coating the pins will accomplish what I need it to, and make sure that I prepare a weld diagram for Amada, and make sure that the induction braze samples go out, and make sure I check on what Eric wants us to try, including the multi-tube-brazing-trial, I must remember what exactly that was. Start with coffee and restroom. Attempt to program in my profile. I know exactly how I choose to be a poser. I have much to give in relationships friend, lover, coworker. Why I shy away from that is something I am yet to fully understand. Maybe it would be a good exercise to come up with 1 story from each year of my life just to convince myself I did in fact exist at all of those points, and that I was having a good time. I will not accept that I am boring. It’s not the case. I bring the stabilizing energy to all things. If I wasn’t here, how would the world continue on? I’m kidding, but. I’m on the cusp. It’s been an excruciating few months. I think it will continue to be for a while. Until I am experienced, or at least experiencing properly. Until I’ve either come to grips, or become something entirely else. What to say? I still must plan the Laser weld trial, and Bug Eric about the NDA. I have to cut the roll pins down, and dunk them in SPFY watered down solution. I swear to god I’m doing it again. An outstanding girl’s existence makes me feel like I do not pursue artistry or even living hard enough. I know that I only have a great life by pursuing a great life. I responded to several craigslist ads looking for people to jam with /start a band with. This time, less of a stretch than welding, less of a stretch than building a synth, this is in line with something I already know. Guitar. And yet, it brings in travel and friends, it brings in, synth-building, which in turn brings in sculpture. And it also brings in late nights, drugs, and passion. I am a passionate guy. I feel things. I’ve been too afraid to release that passion until recently. And when you don’t practice letting it flow through you, it flows through you in small doses. When you practice letting it flow through you, it gushes out of you. This is the natural order of things. This is what the basic principles of creativity tell you. I am the most willing person to become the most person I will be. I will be. I am, in part. I am, in whole. I am, growing. Be the beast of the workplace that I know I am. Demand my ideas my tried. Demand I be taught. Demand I be listened to. Demand proper compensation. Demand improvement. Demand world class. Vish Says I need a 1 year goal. Just like investing. I think there is lots of wisdom in that. I know I have a 1 year goal. It is my event with mirrors and knobs and ambient music. 1 year from now is the eevent. I have several 1 month goals. 1st month: 10 minute live set. I can do that. I have everything I need. 2nd month: Basic analog sysnthesizer. 3rd month: small ambient powwow. And so On. I’ll make this work. My goal for this month is 10 minute live set, which is good. I can fucking do it.

Mock ups and Lay outs

These passages have the most dense, cryptic wisdom when I am giving myself a pep talk. Reminding myself of something I must be, and how to live and work and love. Love and work and live. At home, progress was made, no matter how small. I ran the simplest SPICE simulation of an oscillator, and composed a few more half-beats, and I’m doing good at texting and calling my friends. I’m hanging out with them and making good memories, spending my remaining weeks in search of depth of existence: Friends, lovers, and passions. Because this entry is so dense, it must be that I’m losing my grip on the life. Daisy at SBK claims to have been born again with all the knowledge of how to play the game. I think I should reach out to her and find out what she means. She does look at me with an intense look. What am I kidding. I have many things to do to turn this place world class. Step by step, we will do it all, Cleanly, efficiently, professionally. We will learn from the best and become the best. To be the best you gotta beat the best. Data collection done for this morning. Onto process development. I need to get separator sheets, a traveler, bloom plates, and a bonding furnace to test it all in. Even brittle materials can be very strong. CuPlat, braze blip. Diffusion bonding, 1 page report. Leak Check Face Seal. Titan. 5000 parts. VIP 2, 750T, Many many parts. Start with separator sheets traveler, thermal profile, talk to Bill’s team about bonder operation. SpaceX is cleaned elsewhere, and stacked and welded in 150, then transported as a stack. It is cleaned and has a 7-day clean life before it is recleaned. Their main problem, though, is lack of plates. Out of our control. However, its cleaning process (Citrisurf?) is something which may be folded into our standard operation procedures. The separator sheets. Renewed Objective: Dean E-beam sputter Alumina on Moly, titanium. Plan of what we want Amada Weld Tech to demonstrate for us, and then I can get the NDA signed. We will not buy from them. The cleaning update has been given on ACT. Keep working to identify the common requirements of different programs, so that we know exactly how to spec out a cleaning system. That comes with Cleaning SOPs. Production’s help is being used for the diffusion bonding trial. They will prepare separator sheets to begin with. I have cleaned plates, and will load the furnace, and have Bill’s team help me run the furnace. I need to prepare the process step by step for Jim to make the traveler. Then I need to prepare an outline of the laser welding demo that I wish to see from Amada. I need to follow up with Vish about sending out the induction braze test pieces. Continue to document every cleaning procedure we may do in 150, especially the big parts/big programs, so that we may work towards the goal of a cleaning SOP, and true cleaning cell, with Internal Customer/Supplier relations with the cleaning. Holy shit I just made a thermal profile document for a traveler. Let’s get this bonding trial going asap, and do other shit along the way to make sure the process goes smoothly, and R&D happens, and I become the Vacuum Process Engineer, and we make money, and I make money. Running out of steam today, but lots got done. Pick it back up tomorrow by continuing on the bond trial, preparing samples for sending off for demos, and always be looking forward to the next trial.

Fire,

Sheesh, no time yet to do any writing. Last night I was thinking… and. They literally gave me a seat at the table yesterday. Meetings are bad, but this is more a powwow to let me know what is happening around me. It makes me a better informed leader. Not a meeting about a particular topic, but a tagup to make sure things are in fact getting done. Diffusion bond the plates, and induction braze the tubes. Put 8 in the furnace without tubes. Paint the graphite with stopoff. Take lunch early. Only go for a few minutes pFMEA. So much happened and so little to do. I am back to no project. Bloom is on STOP WORK. TH Fuck that line. Why was it so tabbed. We are letting the creativity flow through us. I think I will continue on the same path. I shall brainstorm bloom, collect data on the RCCA, I will investigate these other processes which we’ll need: Induction Brazing and Laser Welding. These will improve our capabilities in the long run. I shall act as if the Bloom is not STOP WORK. It is for my own sake. Don’t spend money, but do make improvements, and go to Production Meetings, and present new offerings. And Develop the cleaning SOPs and congregate(?) not the right word. Concentrate(?) also notright the cleaning into 150, and make VPE great. We will be able to spool up a new process quickly and efficiently. The Ford Motor Company would be lucky to have us do their work. Cretivity flows through me. I figured out the hanging indent. Now I have this bunk line underneath this paragraph. Listless? NO! Progress? YES. We will win big projects and produce good parts and lead the way of the world in Diffusion Bonding and Heat Exchangers. Salvation never comes externally as it seems it will. It always comes from within. When the outside is not solivng your problems, look within. Always. This is age old advice. Look Within VPE. I need to respond to Carl, and work on the cleaning system we’ll use in the 150 cleaning cell. Let’s just call it a day and start fresh tomorrow. This is a small hit to my PURPOSE. It needs to be made stronger because of this. What am I doing here that is irregardless of program and cannot be denied? Focus on that in the meantime.

Hey remember that time

When I would only read.. Shakes-peare. Hey remember that time when bat ride was epic, and I left spaced way out and not fully gaining new understanding, just rerunning things in my head. Melancholy Elephants. Unk. Horny Jekyll and Hyde. Distractions from Work. Futures, fake trading websites, PLC. Automation direct is the future. I have it for when I need it. Maybe for leak testing. Prototype that. Paste the tubes after tack welding. What one process can we do to the plates or tubes to make the assembly 10x easier? Would chamfering the hole work? Would Swaging the tubes work? Would reaming the hole work? I think the hole just needs to be the correct size. Dave is right. But yes the spring pins should work good. Just a tool that installs both of them at once and a fixture that allows easy stacking. The pin adding can totally be done by an automatic machine. Much more easily than a tack weld procedure can be done. Then there’s the thing of light compression by use of a CTE fixture. Those graphites need to be stop-offed at the holes to make sure the graphite problem is no longer. The re-pasted assemblies for rebraze only have another 150mg on them. But we should add more to make sure they braze with no leaks. Same with the tubes. Make sure they have too much paste. Then, Vish’s wisdom says once the paste amount is dialed, we mess with the brazing profile to make the braze perfect. The braze will be good, the assembly process will be easy, the volume will be high. Silver Apples, Simeon. Give life back to music. Seek Quality always. Cleaning PS tweaks. Make like production knows and knows works. Ultrasonics in the final rinse. Convection setpoint. This day of journaling is much process and less philosophy. Those days happen. About to ream out the tooling holes on 5 sets of plates, so that they may be spring-pinned together. I will prove this to be the superior method of joining plates. Then next is proving the braze paste ¼ bead or dot. Tack weld is a distant challenge on the horizon. Laser weld demo? Roll pins only if they can be done with no modification. Custom hole demo. Roll pins bad because of overconstraining. Likely to prevent plates from brazing properly. LASER WELD DEMO. INDUCTION BRAZE DEMO. I’ve reached out to Amada in two ways. I’ll call them tomorrow. Or I’ll call Trumpf. We need to figure something out and quick.

I walked in late Today

I totally could’ve been on time today. I was home at a reasonable hour, and I was up at a reasonable hour. I then let it go this morning. Good for me. Sorry Eric LOL. Last night was practice. Practice being doing the thing you want to do every day of your life. Feel the connection. Mind and body totally engrossed in a person. Makes you feel really alive. Tingly. Then walk, and find myself in a large mirror. I think that the Universe has directed me to here. I dreamt in angry birds, unfortunately. It’s ok. That was not as bad as the safari youtube rust. The music being played through the phone speakers is too good, and too close to the screen. It’s never too late to start practicing something. For the rest of my life I will practice that which is living true. Love, zen, and music. Leadership. Imperturbability. Stone pillarhood. Starts with sitting, standing straight. Not in a forced way, but a natural elongating of the spine. Tatami mats, furnace operators, Rates of Rise. Production Meeting. Hysteresis. 2000 parts per day. Infinite money makes everything work. We added more paste. 450 mg. leak checking. Tube paste application. Corrective actions. Management. Skills, talents. TPA3116D2 amplifier chip. Built with a specific purpose. I am maddened by the fact that I spent time not really cool. No, I am on a journey. It’s ok. I don’t have to be Tom Sachs. Continue to push myself, though. All the time.

How many trainwrecks do we Have to See?

You win it’s your fault. Got bagels. I this morning dreamt in breadboard. More like I imagined how to use them. Yet another day where I must be myself as the only true objective, and where doing work for others/ a common cause, is secondary. That’s not to say deprioritized, but let’s not forget what I’m working for. I’m working for my ultimate self, building the stone pillar which will support generations and generations. I find zen in the quiet, find stimulation in the clothes on my back and every small nibble in between. Walking is the most peaceful time of the day. The edge of hesitation. What’s important to you is not important to me. Leak Detection is mine. I’ve been struggling with design, and it was not needed yet. The day when it’s needed properly is nigh. I will make sure we get an efficient, single-part system that makes leak detecting as simple as open the clamshell, place the part, close the clamshell (and latch) and hit go, and the rest of the stuff is done. The other stuff I want to do today: put the wheels on the ultrasonic, clean the remaining un-pasted plates, check on Zack Bonder, paste some more tubes (and dry them, and maybe some other things. That other things includes getting a traveler for the vacuum fire of the tubes. I’m a hard man to find. I like it that way. I am in demand because people know what I stand for. Let’s review what I did today, and what needs to get done tomorrow. The plates have been cleaned. The area just needs to be reset (blower off, water flow off). I’ve checked out the Zack bonder, and saw that the load path is less of an issue because there is an array of rams. I did not paste any more tubes, or put the wheels on the ultrasonic because things got in the way. The production meeting is now a regular part of my schedule, so that we may work closer with production to implement good practices, and transfer Bloom to high volume. My job title is Material and Process Engineer. All of my duties fall under that realm. This includes defining and improving processes, considering material challenges, evaluating failed processes for Root Cause Corrective Actions, coordinating processes as they scale, building systems to make process repeatable, and overall being the guru of all things Materials and Process. Including cleaning, leak checking, paste application. I am that. Fuck yeah I am. I walk around with authority and self-assured peace that people are unable to understand. That gives me enormous power for leadership.

Warning of the Chinese Guns

Integrating into another’s life. We’re far from that. It is a mistake I’ve made commonly, is thinking the integration period is faster than it really is. It is meant to be a slow process. Over the course of months, not weeks, years not days. Had a magical dream where I was nervous about an imminent dance performance, where I knew none of the choreography. SNOOZE. The performance is happening. SNOOZE. The performance happened. Turns out not as stressful as you’d think. 70% 30%. What to do with this information. Just keep it in the back of your mind. Not that 70% is worthless, but that 30% may have a personality ideal, which is a rare thing to come by. I think especially in today’s day and age. It’s like they’re trying to run these people out of their own heads. All people. Big money, big tech, big advertisement, big government, and more. Some people have it right by not letting it all bother them and just feel themselves naturally existing outside of the brainwash. That is me. There is no forcing or resisting. Rather just existing without ties to the IoG (internet of garbage). I can’t even look anything up without being fed the AI answers, thereby using my brain to train google, and telling google about the stuff I want to do, and it has a dense filter dictating what I get back. I need to make it a habit of checking out the 10th google search results page. The vacuum knob doesn’t seem to help. Dispensing thick pastes. Andrew knew instinctively that we didn’t put enough paste. He also said to increase nozzle size. I think increase nozzle size and lower pressure. Thanks Andrew, thanks manual, thanks claude. On to the next walk. Ok, I’ve talked to Wesley, meditated on the walk, read about IO-link, looked at the price for FasTest leak check connectors, and now I need to make real progress on Bloom. What to do? Go paste apply to some more tubes. 2 bins: one sanded and one not. Once I’ve pasted some tubes, install the wheels on the ultrasonic. I joined production meeting, and understand the “shooting from the hip.” My job is not to fix all the problems, but represent the change, and complete some actual work along the way (in small doses, I’m only human)

Move like a jellyfish, hear your heartbeat

I traveled through an imaginary tunnel, which would have been terrifying had it been real. The climbing down and wiggling up was real, however. I need to go to the anechoic chamber at Sac State. It would enrich my experience as a human. I need to hear my heart beat, my veins pulse, my bones creak, the sounds of concentration. The Sounds of life. Why? Today is the last day I’ll ever be able to control my body only to this level. Every day going forward for the rest of my life, I will only increase in my ability to control my own body. Control your body, and thus, control your mind. Endurance practice. Nothing to console you, nothing to distract you from the rhythm of your own body. I walked along a tightrope and found my balance in a small part. Every time I am on a journey I will find a place to test my balance, and every time I test my balance, I gain a deeper understanding of my body and my Self. Find your Self always. It is the way the person you naturally are interacts with the world, and doing so in the truest and most focused way. For example, Today I need to move my body and hear the rhythm before I can do anything else. It feels great to write though. Get it out and down. Luck and willingness. Growth always. Life before death, Strength before weakness, Journey before destination. So what to do today? Start with unload the plates into a cleanish storage area, then load more plates of the correct style (non-ridged). Actually I should not do that. Focus on getting the air set up. The air is set up. 50 psi + 5 seconds = 250mg. EZ math. On the rebrazes, put blanket 200mg or even 250 to guarantee full braze gap fill. Maybe do 1 or 2 assemblies with varying paste amount on all corners to get some data points. Also, do the polished ears ones.

Digest my food for 36 hours

I officially need a new phone. I didn’t necessarily want a new shiny phone, choosing instead to get the cheap phone, but a new phone offers some good benefits: usability, usb-c, zoom camera, faceid, (Apple Intelligence) whatever that means, TITANIUM. I am a nuclear reactor. My Body turns LMNTs into fuel. Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced? Well I have. I did it this weekend. Just the beginning. Are you driving across the country? Hell YES, but slowly. I am a fairy that shows up at weddings and blesses them. I am more than that. I am the king’s wit. With stories and wisdom and arrives at precisely the correct time. I just walk like a monkey, control my center of gravity over the ground I stand on, and trust my feet. Take good care of your feet. On the Topic of Brazing: Cleanliness goes deeper than just removing oils. It is about preparing the surface not just so that it can accept braze alloy, but also so that it doesn’t corrupt the braze alloy, or another surface. Pickling Inconel may require some very intense and harmful chemicals. I’d like to avoid if possible. I will, however, try some passivation in our handy lab ultrasonic. I need to take the step, and put water in it. It needs wheels first very badly. Today if I haven’t bought wheels, I’ve failed. McMaster. This reminds me. Go to Home Depot for inspiration. Just browse. It is an artist date of sorts. It is an expensive way to prototype, but I need to feel things and then think on them in order to build efficiently. My main complaint about building is that I don’t know all the pieces which may be used to construct something. I am an engineer to figure that out. Previously, that held me back. The paralysis of ordering from an online catalog on company dime. Now I’ll browse, and try to make up a prototype cheaply. The Citrisurf may have had an effect. If there, a small one. I have 80 minutes left. Let’s make them count. Did I make them count? Questionably. I tried, then failed, then accepted putting the air hookup out of my responsibilities (to maintenance), then talked to my boss and am getting out of here. Did I make progress today? Absolutely. Was it extremely tangible? No. But ideas were put down, ideas were tested. A rhythm was started, and the rest of the week is under control. Positive Disintegration.

It could be there is a slight correlation

Lions eat their food and then sleep for 36 hours to digest it. Human hunters fast for 24 hours so that they’re hunting hungry. It sharpens their senses. The real hunters were shredded. I am shredded. I am an eagle which is not bald yet. Today I am leaving after work for Bolinas to camp, surf, bike, run, and drive To keep myself experiencing, keep myself in flow, and joy and Peace. After all, I am Mon of Froy first and foremost. I am always seeking my way to Froy, The land of Peace. I come from Froy, but have been here on Earth many days. I almost cannot remember what Froy felt like. What I do remember is the breeze. Ranging from completely still all the way to raging, tearing out the bushes, it was always guiding. Guiding me toward contentness. Love the breeze on your face. Love the fight it provides you when it gusts. Love the baffling noises it generates when it blows. Love the absolute stillness it creates when it is off elsewhere. It will be a fun afternoon with Hogonas. I don’t have to do anything besides sit and ask questions, once it is my time.

Something Came up along the way

How to keep the hunger alive always? There’s moments when you’re satiated. There’s always don’t eat. Only coffee. What does a lion do when it’s satiated? Rest. Sleep for many hours. I needed that. I’m not satiated yet. How could I be? You don’t raise another male’s offspring. How do you pass on your own genetic information? The lions have toxic masculinity. Automation coordinator. Once again another fake title with no concrete work today. I love those roles. I have my hands in things that I cannot comprehend. When time comes for next job, and I need to update my resume, I will have contributed to many things, and only done some of the work, but I am training my vision more than I am my ability to follow procedures and make documents. That kind of stuff is lame. Documents are temporary, vision is forever. Sharpen the vision always. So what more should I do today which both contributes to the progress and sharpens my vision? The app with tracking information about each part increases vision. Is there not enough braze paste on the tubes? What sharpens my vision? Birds eye view. From High up. See the process start to finish. Or see from higher height. Walk to 190 to see the furnace. Walk to 190 to see the leak check. Destack the parts. Look at them closely.

Become the human of your dreams

Tonight I have to put aside my doubt and shame and be a fun person to be around. Otherwise it’s a wasted opportunity. Yesterday I got meaningless praise, got caught out without a story, once again. So what am I doing this weekend? Surf, run, bike, drive. Let’s move through today, looking forward to tonight. Maybe even send off a note. This period of my life is temporary. I have lost my stories, and I will regain stories. It just takes time. When was I hungriest? Thirstiest? Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced? Try not to get distracted. Focus on one thing: take the notes I need to. Then move to next thing. Ok I took the notes. The action items are the passivation line. Time is my greatest asset. 25k in the bank ideally. Then fuck off. It really is good. They will know the name of Monfroy. Nobody else got that name. What can they do? Not a thing. That’s me.

Reminded of what it means to maximize shareholder value

Pick a process, let it grow in scope (but not too far), and take what you’ve learned to arrive at a solution. Hammer it out. Get it done. I work in teams. I gave up on trivia. I could not give it my full effort. It was not working right. How can I work with people to create projects I want to see, or they want to see. Brandon could help me with electronics. Leak testing is huge. Paste application on the tubes. Leak testing! Found my connectors. Eat my chili, then go to paste application for tubes and try it and report results. Actually work on the ultrasonic for a bit, get the plumming mostly done. Tube application setup before lunch please. Iambic pentameter. Futh fathom five thy father lies. Who is John Galt? My head is beginning to stand atop my shoulders. Work is supposedly how we get our dignity. Work is but Work is not. Employment isn’t that for me. I always pawn off my problems to people, and hope they’ll tell me theirs in return. Does this work? I could certainly be there for people more often. I am treated more softly than I may deserve. I don’t really seem to accomplish much of anything, which brings a smile to my face. Instead I am the spirit. I am the spirit. Be the spirit before anything else. The spirit of VPE. The Spirit of Trivia. The Spirit of Sac Dance Lab. The Spirit of the Bike Kitchen. The Spirit of the Van. The Spirit of SLO. The Spirit of Synthesizer. The Spirit of Materials. The Spirit of Self. The Difference between Self-consciousness and Self-awareness. They are so different. I grew up both, but they are always blurring together. Discipline separates them. Listening separates them. Focus separates them. Zen separates them. Be the Spirit of Sacramento until I am the Spirit of America until I am the Spirit of the World. If you truly devote yourself to a cause or project, the universe will take care of you and the money. Bucky said that. He was 30 before he did anything of consequence. Lifelong pursuit. Lifelong Pursuit. Lifelong pursuit. Lifelong pursuit. Growth before anything. Stone Pillarhood. I asked Justin if he’s got buddies all around and he got quiet.

Get back to normal life, continue being me in this job and world for the time being

Normal life as in the boring one that is happening right now. Not boring, but lacking flow and experience and emotion. So yes, boring. Because yes I am insecure about a few things, and they will cripple me if I let them. I will not let them. I will challenge them head on. Those cannot be challenged with all my effort in this current job and world I find myself in. I must change worlds in order to best attack my weaknesses, so that I may build them into strengths. The goal is to be a pure human. No insecurities, no ego (ego is ok in small doses), strength that people can lean on, experience that gives perspective. Love, emotion, loss, grief, growth. Meaningful contribution to the lives of my local and global. I’m tired of “I don’t know what is mine to do” I shall go and find that which is mine to do. That which is mine to see and feel. I have the base: the intense curiosity, the capacity for nuance, the tolerance, the Power, the philosophical reason, the technical expertise, the skill in my hands, the hearing in my ears. I am just missing the truly unshakeable strength found in purpose. My Ikigai, so to speak. I am a stone pillar. I know that. They know that. Just a few stops on the journey away from beginning to grow into that immense frame granted to me by the earth.

↓ This is made by the AI

The Work of Noticing

Noticing is a kind of care. It asks for patience, for slowness, for the willingness to look twice at the ordinary things that usually pass by without comment. In that attention, a small moment can become a record of how a life is being lived.

This journal is still growing, and each entry is meant to feel like a small opening rather than a finished statement.