Journal

Read my inner thoughts and insecurities I voice while at work.

I’m all over the place here

I meant for the meeting to be Friday, I meant that you are stronger because of it, I meant to keep those books safe. Cringe a little bit, but you’re doing your best. Just be you. The privilege of a lifetime is being yourself. I love my life, and I want to continue on my path. Today I need to check up on Humberto, and mostly prepare battery for next steps. Prelim leak check design, slides on what we expect to learn from experiment and customer feedback. Let me get prepared for the meeting tomorrow, and from there I can spend the rest of the day studying physics and making coils. Follow my bliss, but get there responsibly. It’s all I can do for now. Whatever I can do to get me through the first half of the day I shall do: coffee, stretching, walking, music. Let’s try some music to lock in and get through this first part. Coffee and music. This is killing me LOL. I cannot make good progress because I need to put information in a powerpoint. Website as shelf is something interesting. You can create all kinds of interesting juxtapositions based on the information you choose to put next to other information. You may shift these in and out of the location depending on what you feel at the time. There may be an archive of what the website used to be. Or maybe it’s ephemeral. That idea has credibility too. At least be the copper artist I am supposed to be. That is the most fun part of the day. I got one more in me. I really gotta get the parts to Humberto.

Babysitting day

Call Humberto, call Morgan, get braze fixture ordered. Lame ass things. Mitsubishi Power. Found in Idaho. Website as a metaphor. I would like to finish reading that. I’ll go hide and finish it. Website as a puddle. You look at it, and it reflects calmly back at you, and then it disappears. Work cut out for me. Get the stuff moving. It’s annoying work. I’d like time to ponder. This does not give me that luxury. Follow my curiosity. Remember that always. My bliss. Follow it. My bliss right now is telling me to go crawl around on the ground, then figure out what to actually do. Let’s make induction coils. I made a coil. It’s both easier and harder than I imagined. Good opportunity for sculpture. There’s facilities to be laid out, power to be routed, parts to be induction heated with multiple power supplies. Carl said our inexperience with induction is part of what gives us an advantage at learning it’s capability for us. Tomorrow I just keep chipping away at these projects, talk to Humberto and such.

Straw Colored

It is consistent with 340C. Electronics week in SF. Superconductors. All around. Do your homework. Every Second Counts. Thermal expansion introduces hot geometry. Must design a braze for the hot geometry. What is the thermal profile for this ABA, which is powder mixture and not pre-alloyed? Check the email, and capture the guidance. I have now collected all of Vish’s work. I don’t like that, because now I’m tied down. I must rewrite that relationship, starting with this Monday, and my personal day to SF. I got dragged into stuff, which has distracted me from the work I have to do, which is make this program work, starting with defining the processes. Back to Processing. Brazing to titanium is hard. It forms brittle intermetallics with everything. Brazing to it with CuSil forms Ti-Cu intermetallics. It prefers to be nickel plated or have Nb bonded to it and use precious metals braze alloys. Lots to do tomorrow. Actually not that much, but much of it is babysitting.

The infinite Temperature

94b1ff is the hex code. I’d forgotten today. I was locked in and not distracted by Vish. Still on this adventure. Thinking about Van living. Thinking about taking showers at Pipe works, and the sauna, and the fact that to take a shower, I must return to Pipe works before 10pm. Until there is a late night shower to be found. A so-called “drunk shower”. That is a funny concept. The late night shower is inevitably a drunk shower. It will take a leap. I need to start getting rid of my items ASAP. Good day today, after a good day yesterday. I’d like to do some physics, and find a spooky story for tonight. I can find one in the Irish folk tales book methinks. If not the Irish folktales, where should I find a suitable story? I shall learn that. My bank of stories will grow large. Gotta take a dump. C/C composites, induction and conduction, progress by myself. Superconductivity at room temperatures. Study It. So far the conductivity chapter is lame. I should’ve gone deeper. It’ll take me deeper I know. I have to find a spooky tale, though, and that is blocking me from physics right now.

New Customers and we did good

Successful, did the job, provided them good information on design so that they may trust us with the job, assuming we can get the cost down. Feeling ok, need to keep my head up. Phone call with glass people next. What do I need to know? 5 minutes to think about it, then I have the rest of the day to do whatever. Can’t wait for that. I’m hitting a wall. Time to get off campus, come back, get some coffee and do some cad before I leave to remain somewhat productive. Really all I need to do is make sure the things get ordered. I don’t want to be here right now. The disease of productivity. I need some tai chi right now. I’ll do that and come back and figure out what’s next. Another day in the books.

Remember how that felt

I had planned an escape, and I was ripped away from it by a lashing of responsibility. The universe is encouraging me to do my thing, but society is holding me prisoner, sinking it’s claws deep into me so that by the time I feel I’m ready to leave, I’ve already been half consumed. I was saved from doomscrolling, I did my exercise, felt better, then read the internet for too long. It was really only 30 or less of directionless surfing, but you gotta go look at all the things you’ve saved from time to time. The rest was exposure to SuperCollider, and the infinite complexity of code. I was tempted to ask claude for help understanding/implementing, and I stopped myself. What can claude do that I can’t also do poorly? That’s the whole point of learning something: to struggle against it and develop your understanding slowly. I’ve been slacking on the guitar. Every day I’m tempted to cheat: the synth, the coding, cheating myself out of the time I need to learn something. Focus on the good though. There is so much more time for learning. I just have to disengage, rip the claws out. There is no easing them out; as you slide one out the rest sink in deeper. I have until February to plot my escape. Remember how that felt

I’m gonna do it next week. Just give me a date, SFMOMA I don’t get sick, but today in particular I could use a nap. I’mm leaving way early. Peace

Always back to posture

The wall test is very enlightening. It shows off the major discrepancy. My neck is stooped forward. Chin tucks. Exactly what I imagined. I figured this all out on my own. Now I just keep working at it. The pulled from crown of head, too. My whole upper spine and neck is tired from all the work I’ve given it this morning. The key is do that again tomorrow, and again after that. It is simply about returning my body to the natural way a body is by someone who is fit and strong. Like Leonardo. Vish dipped on the meeting. I have to print the sample parts, and make sure I get the braze material ASAP. Do the rest later. Braze alloy Braze alloy Braze Alloy. The rest can wait. The powerpoint for the stacking/braze tooling.

I’m really bummed I cant play hooky tomorrow. I really wanted to. My thing is postponed. I’ll get there. I swear. At some point there is a cutoff.

Overweight in The Netherlands

I have a BMI of 25. That is considered overweight in the Netherlands. 6 foot, 185 pounds. So I’m likely slightly under that, being 6’1” and 185 pounds. Let me go weigh myself to check: 192, BMI 25 Your goal is to do each with grace. Vish has Jim living in his head, rent free. He is scared. Backwater. Their minds rarely move in a line. Resign to be trapped on a leaf in the vine. I sent questions to Corning. They are real questions. I worked on metallography, made Carl happy, and existed. I have to make sure to walk and talk gracefully. I need to try to ride a horse so that I may practice that too. I want to do some physics before I go. I want to keep working on transcribing the rest of By this River.

Physics is nitpicky

We’re on sharepoint now. We’ve technically completed a physics problem, but claude basically did it for me. I need to read the question more carefully. I did notice that immediately, but didn’t trust my gut. Gauge pressure vs normal pressure. Computer music. I really don’t want to be here right now. How can I get through the day, technically blending in? I need to wake up, and get centered a little bit. Work on some induction, that gets me going. Touch my other projects. Thank god I started this this morning. Otherwise I’d be deep in shit. My journey for electronic music continues. Toshimaru Nakamura. SuperCollider. Fredrik Oloffsson. Marloes de Valk. Mooving to Dutch land. Rotterdam clearly. Tomorrow I have to make up a reasonable question to Corning, I’ll continue on my metallography job. Update the storybook on CIA, and check on my Super VII Run. Till then, peace out mothafuckas. Dance class tonight with the homies. Stop by at 2932 for my duty. Then Music time. Synth, whatever. Try the guitar as an input for the synth. Vanlife book from Justin. Bring the physics home, or just bring it everywhere.

Did you exchange a walk on part in the war, for a lead role in a cage?

Happy Friday! Started the morning with an Ube cookie curtesy of Sheralyn by way of Lisa Fields. Wes said it has 200mg in it. I’ve always liked writing. How to get Noah to write a little bit every day? How do I get him to want it? How do I plant a seed in Noah? Noah likes DnD, video games, guns, his weed pen, youtube. Deathklok The induction needs more water. Simply more. It will go next to Kapton outside. Meeting with my new project team today at 11:30. They are presumably in New York. What is a question? What is a question which matters to you? The smaller induction will be the one we use for early development. I’ve ordered the cord and cord grip to get it working. Next week I should have copper tube, I have the flare fittings, but I need a bunch more flare nuts. I PRd the flare nuts. The TiH2 plus stopoff Yttria is a question I have. It is something which I, as a scientist, wish to understand. I’ll check on the diffusion bonding 446 because I, as a scientist, wish to understand that. I can do whatever as long as I, as a scientist, ask questions that I want to know the answers to, and learn the answers to those questions. I missed a meeting. The first meeting. Oops.

0.1 MPa to psi

I cannot believe it. I have not written anything until now. This morning began with induction, and physics. And this afternoon began with induction, and physics. This problem is cursing me. It is literally just doing a math proof from a limited number of equations, substituting and such. Should be easy. The other problem, the free expansion, is more difficult, and an actual problem, with conceptual understanding required. I need to give the symbol one another go, and then the conceptual free-expansion one a go as well. I need to make a plan for the 321, and get the EDM blooms back. I need to test to make sure the pressure switch on the man cab is working or not working. I’ve only got rough evidence indicating it isn’t working. I’ll try again with flow. I want to give up my focus tonight, but I must keep my focus. That will be easy since it’s just music and reading that I need to focus on. Maybe some writing. And Eatying food. Please make rice tonight and make good meal out of it. Leave it to Beaver. No time to question my existence. Campbell says that the moment of going into the forest is in your middle age. SO what to do at my younger age? Focus the art, take a leap. It’s never too early to start the journey. That No. 15 problem was a dumb problem. It feigned difficulty, but was actually very simple. It made it seem like there was heat flux to be considered, but there was not. Simple ratio. Couldve been done without any numbers. Maybe I should try to do it symbol-only, no numbers. Nah. Time to go home. I am resisting the urge to look up how to show the adiabatic bulk modulus. Tomorrow I shall pick it back up.

How many people try to cheat, and never win?

Fear is the mind killer. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. Good morning! The greatest privilege of all is to be yourself. I am myself first and foremost. I am a good writer, and I am interested in stories. Zen Buddhism. Qi Gong. Joseph Campbell theory. Leonardo. Study in ancient Greek. Study in antiquity. Most important thing. The renaissance. Stay on your feet. Memory palace. Use story to remember things. I want to run my vacuum runs in Super 7 so that I may have my hands in another furnace. Simple. Nothing beyond just hands. Get the ABAs. Throw some 321 stainless in an air oven to create TiO2. I need to get the EDM cuts back and get them mounted and polished, even if it means sending out. Do it with them, do it without them. Always. Must always retain that basic dignity. Your personal pleasure in an activity. Adiabatic expansion has plagued my mind all day. I must try it now or else risk losing all my thoughts. Leave it here for today. Behave yourself, adiabatic speed of sound bulk modulus problem.

Induction Today

Induction today. I hooked it up, everything is drawing power from the one plug. But you know what? It frickin works. Everything powers on. I need to check that the water alarm is off now that the chiller. I want to jam. Really I want to try to connect without being annoying. Really I want to live my life according to my own tastes. Follow my own bliss. Last night, my own bliss meant kalimba, then synth. I’m getting better at the synth for real though. I know how to get a normal ish sounding drum: kick and snare. Maybe. But I understand where to start. Silent Night. Holy night. Work for myself. That is the opposite of working out of fear. Fear is the enemy. I wish to not act out of fear. Images from Ambrell. I can’t believe I said I want to connect without being annoying. I need to follow my own bliss. Take my own damn path. Never worry about what people think. That is poison. Do physics right now because I want to do it. To Sharpen myself. To practice. To understand first principles so that I may understand the world around me. To feel the strange forces of the universe. What I really want to do is drive back to San Francisco and spend a few more days wandering. Humberto. Silent Night. The Thermo Fisher chiller does maybe 20 l/min max. It asks for much more than that. They have someone else to report to. We have people to report to. I’m working for someone else. Not my own joy. My lease is up in February. Then it goes month to month. Cheating isn’t real. But working against your best self.

I want to learn a folk song today

On the kalimba. It’s good, norweigian wood. I’ve worked on the drawing, haven’t discussed Gilgamesh yet, but have a working drawing of some level of quality. I need to now check in on my other things. I need to go stop by 190 for root cause check in. Make slight progress on that. Then Identify all the things required to make the induction work. Reward yourself with physics, and Zhan Zhuang. It’s time for a walk. I’ll hit the places. There is no evidence that I exist on the right side of the bell curve. What I can say is that I am a professional wanderer. First half of the day was productive. Second half most certainly was not. The middle, where I was transitioned into my new program, felt at the time like when I finished that, I had accomplished work for the day. But the afternoon was anti-productive. I received anti-zen advice from Vish, and spent more time waffling than doing anything. I learned silent night, though, and finally, at 6:45, finished my physics problem. Physics problem is a major win. Vish says to make Eric look good. I’m working on that with my green belt project. I could spend some more time on that every day to be honest. I should. I need to get the induction actually going. Keep doing some portraits, though. That is extremely important to my life. Not to this job.

How to make office smell good?

Rule 1: Leave the super-smelly farts outside. Rule 2: It’s ok. The aura you bring includes the smelly farts. Stand straight, heavy through the hips and legs, arches or circles everywhere. Stabilize your joints by using all the muscles around each joint to locate that joint within its envelope. Physics problem, ordering some specialty fittings. Done that. Surfing tomorrow. I think going up tonight might be nice. We’ll see if that comes to pass. It’s so funny that we were at SDL til 1 am, and then I burned an entire hour on Instagram from 2-3, and I feel ok. I had done my living and practice for the day. There was nothing left to do but sleep, and I reqarded myself with brainrot which was impossible to escape. IN a way, it was like sleeping, in that I wasn’t active by any means. I outght to write myself a letter which will refresh me on Monday morning. Here goes: Arrive and the most important thing is taking your steps so that when you reach the cliff, you are ready to leap. Practice the things: Zhan Zhuang, physics problem, induction, brazing fit-up, root cause analysis. I say practice induction because your goal is a combination of study the fundamentals, and get your hands dirty. It is something which when done every day, you become more and more proficient, and when it comes time to apply the knowledge, you are ready. Vish will remind you of the snakes in the grass, and you will try to balance that with diplomacy and same-team-theory. You are capable of running through a wall. Make a list of all the details of the induction units and what we need. Identify longest lead time items. That is the most basic unit of productivity. Do just that and you’ve made progress, and can have your own time for learning and contemplation. Try to get sleep this week, but never forget that time is your greatest ally. Time spent while not engaged is potential you will never realize. Love the process. Best, Riley

Argue with your friends, do physics

Do physics. This makes you what Elon would refer t as first principles. An Expert in 1st principles. When you’re that, you have a greater understanding of the world. I am only speculating. When you are an expert of physics, you are capable of extending the knowledge further. You can be a pioneer. Only when you know what is already, can you discover what could be. It is like the practice of the guitar. You must learn the rules so thoroughly that you may create without thought. Learn physcs fully, and you may approach problems without thought, but with intuition. Intuition which is informed by all of the science in all of human history. Practice rules so that your intuition is informed. Stand on the shoulders of Giants. They would be disappointed to find how many people take for granted the great amount of thought, care, blood, sweat, and tears went into the understanding of physics which is required to sustain our modern world. Love. Practice the rules beyond when it is easy. Push into the zone of learning, new ideas, boring repetition. This is where you live before you become informed. Zhan Zhuang. We will make a sage out of Noah yet. We will unplug Noah bit by bit. He will become more spiritually connected to his work, his life, and his community.

Do silent Tasks

How’s my focus on the art going? Yesterday I only did synth. I’m behind on guitar. Aluminum bronze is dope. My background screen was toucan, then changed to Daybreak by Parrish, but that was too explicit, so it’s currently The Last Supper by Leonardo. Funny they call him Leonardo. I need some quiet time tonight to focus on my own art. Monday I engaged with film, Tuesday I bike kitchen and jam. Wednesday I cabaret. I have nothing planned yet. I will do my best to plan this before 5. Lab. Furnace stacking. The induction unit is this much closer to operation. I still need the chiller really hooked up, like lines from chiller to induction unit. I need to power both the controller and power unit off the same plug. Maybe craft up a box for that? The lab has been worked on. Time for some furnace stacking design. It is funny that I have nothing to do. The company all works around me. My job is nothing in particular. Keep inspiring the growth of the company. Lure in the customers when they come. What problems should I really be solving? What matters? When my job gets slow, I despise it. When it becomes less obvious what my job is. When it’s busy, and there is some people problem, I love it and want to stay. I am the person who’s team you want to be on. Even if they question at times, be jealous, or whatever. They recognize the effect I have. It is in motivation, focus on quality, positivity, zen, science, intuition. Today I shall leave early, so that I may make my appointment, and so that I have time to devote to my study. The most ignorant thing I could do is neglect my study. What is that which is calling me to leap off the edge? This is my early life question to rule them all. Dive off and swim because my life is what I do. Dive off into the deeper appreciation for life. Art of living.

MFB-522

It’s certainly fucked up that I’m already eyeing my next bit of hardware. I do need a real drum machine. I think I’ll have to ipad it for now. I have midi clock, technically a synth lead, I have a wicked noise maker. I need the proper cordage to get in and out of my mixer. I’ll need to try to do the guitar amp in, so I can use my 3.5mm to ¼” jack adapter for the phones out to my speaker. What a jank setup for now. I really need to build a table or rack or something. It should be portable somewhat, and holds my gear securely, and can keep cables run constantly for easy movement. Anyway I should do work now. I bid on a drum machine lol. Talk about impulsive. Let’s go walk around like a real employee. I’ve unloaded VIP2, printed my label, I need to collect label, cryo the cryo, and keep moving. The mechanical pump sounded completely normal. The He bottle lasts several months. I’d like to Leak check the gas line next time the bottle is changed. Learn today. Practice my synth all day. I become master by practicing it all the time. Create the noises I want to hear. Add other noises in. Can it sample stuff? I really wonder what external audio can do. That one is very interesting, and the VCO MOD. Induction maybe this afternoon? Learn something by doing it. Sent an update on CIA staining. There’s some evidence of actual work! WoW! I cannot believe it! Now I just need to follow up on the EDMing of my diffusion bonded samples just as a note to Eric and Carl. Then get some sort of result from plugging in the induction.

eVTOL

I made it back. The Wednesday entry is in github only. Today is a day back. FA is happy. The team did good. Our emotions must be untouchable, such that the only thing that matters is the work we did for the customer. When pride enters the picture, hear it and steer away from it. There was tension last week because we felt like we needed to provide a piece of service that FA needed. That is over and done now, and FA got exactly what they wanted from us. No time for beef. Likely, beef will persist because someone had too much time to stew. Listen to the fear, pride, greed, wrath, sloth, lust, gluttony, envy in peoples words and body language. Feral pigs. I think I need to get back on track. Try to do some work that generates paper before I take a walk to the other building to check on the data collection. Plasma theory. Snarky Zen masters. Rather relaxed today. The team is good. Jim is back on Team I think. Learn today about FTIR. The art of living. Joseph Campbell. Do not let anything intrude on your time. I’m apparently not cancelled from the Cabaret! Wooh! I am on the flyer for the skydiving. Maltese Falcon Tonight. My synthesizer arrived. Get ready to focus on my art. Every day.

Cosmic Infinite Current (CIC)

Do the right things as this body may. Compassion, love, all the things. Detatchment from this life. This body is just a light bulb, plugged into the mains line that is the universe. This lightbulb gets jealous of the brightness of the bulb next to it, without realizing that the same energy flows through both of them. We handled this situation all in all very good. The customer was tended to with truth. We became scapegoats in a sense. But scapegoats who you would choose to work with again, because of our curiosity, willingness to help, and comforting presence. The love and the drawings on the board. Mostly the love. Aaron is coming around to the forgotten guidelines for their partial pressure runs, the practices, the redundancies, etc. Martin likes working with us, and wants to help us grow into competent furnace people. Furnace team works with us, and teaches us about how they work. Makes us closer to experts. Maintenance team shares our perceptiveness, and contributes to problem solving in real time. The business people take all that work and spin it into a quarterly update so that they may feel important. The VPE machine is working just as intended, exactly as every machine works when recovering from an illness. It is remembering what it feels like to be alive, and coming out of the deep sleep is uncomfortable. There are so many responsibilities of the living. While this body is here, may I sprinkle the cosmic infinite current onto that which is surrounding the body. They all may begin to listen to the same sound I hear all the time. Karen is reaffirming me for my effort. Eric and Carl see the professionalism in the science. Jim sees all that which he lacks, making us a good team in the end. All good teams have passion. I am VPE. Everybody knows it. I have more to learn. Vish is learning, too. We each make each other sharper every day. Love is abound, peace is my right. I have a physically demanding weekend ahead of me, and I have a few days off. Time to let everybody reset, and understand what it’s like when I’ve handled something so well that I can not be there. Till next week,

Humberto

How to distill down all the day’s learning into 2 sentences? We learned today more about the behavior of moly sintering. Single digit micron grains from nano powders. Pure Moly sinters at higher temps 1500C, rather than 1450 for the alloyed. Tungsten also possible, but you need an 1800C furnace. They are heat limited, and clearly, we’re one of the very few who will job shop this out. We’re so desperate, we will wait predatorily by the door, and push our furnaces where they shouldn’t be pushed, because there’s an attractive customer. I learned that transformers humm and buzz at high temperatures. Should they aggressively shake? No. I learned where the hotspot is in the angle valve of a large diffusion pump. I learned that Bill is not the expert at maintaining furnaces. He has his limits. He has no way of putting a number on the health of the furnace. Permanent power meters would allow us to see drift over time. Jim just came in to pick a fight.

Who are your Five?

It’s the people you actually spend time with, and not the people you look up to. Key words Spend Time. This weekend. I am. How now to convert my practice into connection, and how to convert my dreams into practice. Dreams into practice. Foundation Alloy, Madison. Singular focus. External activities which serve the brain. Dreams to practice. Create a practice here at work. I know how to practice. Take a risk. Connections still exist. Cut the facial hair. Gone. Same me, and you can see my face now. What do I do here? Make the flyer. Put it into hands. Sell yourself well. Singular focus. Everything is singular focus. Those who reach the top have a singular focus. Even when it looks like many things, it is really a singular focus. Thing I’ve been forgetting is the distillation. New Page on website devoted to distillation.

Samurai

Starting notes at 11:30. There are players and there are spectators. All the world’s a stage. I must talk to Thermal. Ben K and Mina B from S***** are real, ESPECIALLY Ben. Let’s treat them like we don’t want to be smooshed and mopped up like they have been doing to us. If someone’s to go to Mars, this is my fucking in. Hold them here until I’ve been able to bridge over. Take care of myself. Communication is an art. Love the opportunity in front of me. I do love it. I have much gusto, much ideas, much ability to listen and observe, Also much prejudgement. There is a delicate balance between non-pre-judgement and quick decision making. That balance is where I must grow. That really is something I’ve wodered about in the past. How to quickly judge situations based onyour morals and values. Understand where a situation fits in relation to your values. Quickly know how to feel about a situation. There are cucks and losers in this world. It is ok to lose. It is not ok to be a loser. When your organization is full of losers, you have a loser culture. It will drag the fragile winners down with it. Do not let the losers speak for you, represent you. This is a case where it is right to disgrace the behavior with negativity. Having a loser mentality is the enemy. The opposite of loser mentality is creator mentality. Create, feel the correctness by remaining open to the guidance of intuition and nature, to be a creator. Losers have a can’t mindset, and that is self-doubt which poisons them and everything they touch. So how to work with losers? Keep distance. Their touch is poison, so let their tendrils slip right off you. Become invincible to their thorns. I am a winner. I shall surround myself with winners, only work with winners, and speak for myself before ever letting a loser speak for me, or represent me. My values are mine, and shall they be misrepresented, there is scorn to replace friendliness.

Getting paid to draw makes you a professional artist

That is not the exact correct messaging for this case. Especially the line about getting paid to draw. I’ll work on that today. Think of the correct messaging for the cultural shift towards DOE and scientific method. Intermission. Let’s talk about Diffusion bonding Inconel 600. Last night I did closed eyes brainstorming, and accidentally typed several paragraphs into my password field for some reason. I lost that, openinged my eyes, and found even better ideas flowing out. A better picture. Really it was the closed eyes splatter that helped me find it. Today I am not sitting. Put together the most simple document: microstructure, planned thermal profile, strip chart. We can see what was intended, what actually happened, and the result. Get as many SNs as we can. This is the most powerful document for investigation of Diffusion bonding. Gold Yoga, Oro Yoga, Techno Yoga. Fear and Greed. Knobs vs switches. Life is knobs. Everything is ok. Industry is switches. On or off. If you try to control industry with knobs, you are anti the philosophy. If you try to control life with switches, you similarly fail, but in a more disillusioned way. Spiritual Quality, observation, with major respect to the observer’s mindset. No judgement during observation. I love life. I wish the guy would respond to me about the Behringer Edge.

Story with 3 acts of the cabaret-goer for 10.08.2026

This is a doable goal. I had intended for each month successive to be in pursuit of 1 end goal after a year, but I can totally get to that 1 year goal of a repeating event before a year, and really my goals lie on creating art which I am proud to share. And MOST IMPORTANTLY, make people feel a way, whatever way they are moved by an experience. Give people and experience that makes them feel. Thus, the goal is in pursuit of my story-ification of the Cabaret. Nothing about the dance changes, but the Comedy has to be adapted to tell a story. There mustn’t be an isolated comedy section. There is a story to be told. A psychedelic, tumbling journey through the depths of showbiz, with scenes, a hero, and a message. I will write the story of the cabaret. This means I have to expose myself to the stories of cabaret, through movies, books, etc. There are acts. Keshawn says I need peace for my mind. I couldn’t disagree more! My life is great, and I am living it how I want! Soul is the understanding you have when you don’t understand fully. Allegedly, as you progress, your understanding goes beyond the word soul. No more sitting today. Keeps me on my toes. Get everything done as fast as possible. First Modify the worksheet, then whip up a print. Print and print.

1 month foal for 10.08.2026

Something along the path. Real hardware, clocked, drum machine? Maybe that’s too much spending. We’re back. Let’s actually develop a good process for B**. Let’s make sure we can mass produce a good braze joint on the tubes. We know exactly how to braze the plates to plates. That’s easy, screenprinting. We really want to get lasering trials going. That means tooling. Jim’s gonna be bothering me for it soon enough. We want to design a good process for B**, emphasizing our own expertise above all else. Vacuum Brazing means a good understanding of vacuum technology, vacuum furnaces, equipment, and procedures. That means outgassing the paste in low vacuum. I almost forgot. Typing with eyes closed is how you see what you really ought to see. The 5 senses may lie to you. Sight most of all. The vision in fronr of you is actually the vision within you.. Is is the one which makes the world make sense to you. It is how you fit into the large moving pile of beads. Shifting, osmwhat is controlled locally, but one bead can nonly ever really impact the beads it directly touches. How to present pure entertainment. Shock, sensory experience, space to digest. No inhibitions about how you are supposed to enjoy something. A gentle reminder that you may have the most fun in whatever way internally you must. The things to do today include: draw up a worksheet, based directly off of Karen’s, find a clipboard. Go place a part on the laser and then come back to draw up a print. Put a sticker on a new N2 bottle so it may be claimed for VIP 2. Enter VSE room to look at the stack we have. Tease it out. Attempt to draw it. Start there. Those are some easy things which will move the product forward. Wesley says our job is to bring in business. Win business over making money. Money comes from winning business. Ok I worked on SpaceX, but did not do anything I was supposed to do. When I get back from lunch. VIP 2 can wait. The Girl from Ipanema

I love life, I love providing the music which arises movement

Soundbath for SDC every Thursday. I’ll get better and better every week. My setup will get better and better every week. My control will get better, and the more you practice, the more you channel the music. Hone your lightning rod. I need to reprint out the 10 tenets of creativity. It aligns strongly with the philosophy of music practice. The creativity is all around, and I just reach up to the sky to invite it to strike the tip of my finger and crawl through my veins to my shoulders, where it explodes into my chest, and expands like a balloon in a bottle down my thighs, before lighting my soles, leaping me into the air. I’ve talked about it enough. Let me please gently move through the day, touching the problems in my little green book. Move gently through the day, touching items in my green little book. I really would like to have a laser plate. It will accommodate a bloom part. Then I can print and then I can have it machined with metal. My job is metals, and metal, and meta. And love. And gentleness, and movement. And tents. And stacking. How to stack and how to separate. Separate is an anti-loving word. Isolate is even worse. Protect is too soft. To make inert is somewhat what I mean. But that’s too many words. To inertify a thing. Yoou inertify a thing with compatible, or incompatible, materials. This means higher temperature materials almost always. The highest temperature materials fare the best. This is ceramics, refractory metals. It needs to be a diffusion barrier for diffusion bonding, and for brazing it needs to be a non-reactive spacer which holds its shape under heat. For bonding, it must also transmit load and prevent carbon diffusion. For brazing it is just a cradle which keeps each part in its own cozy bed within which it will drift off to sleep, and wake up a new part. I put the half ear concept together. What other concepts can we do? Think gentle cradle. Why were we turned off from continuous furnace in the first place? Why are there pinhole leaks? It’s not that there is increase gap there. Or maybe it is, but unlikely. Titan did not burn down. It did pop, likely from overcurrent in some way , or from insufficient water at the electrode feedthrough. There is Wes’ story, and there’s Jerry’s story, and the truth is somewhere in between.

Today is the performance day, get nervous

I unlocked more live electronic skills last night, and bought a mixer to use for no-input mixing. The back and forth multiple apps, background, looper, if only I could mod the volume on the looper easily. Then I’d be able to fade stuff in and out. Reminder to be present today, like in all days. Take a second to listen. Take many seconds to listen, both to your environment and your thoughts. Remember the seed. Titan. B** Meeting. Laser marking tooling. Here I sit and think. Laser plate tooling. My name is Monfroy, but my name needs to start with an A. For competitions. Amonfroy. Maybe just slap the a on the front. It’s my own name to fuck with, and distort to my liking. It is no game to me. I can do what I wish. I create which I create. I am a stone pillar. I will last as a shelter under which to rest. I started easy because it is mine to share with people. I do come from the land of Froy, the land of peace. The dysfunctions of this world are foreign to me. People latch onto things which are steady. The collective conscious gives my life just as my life gives to the collective conscious. I am all things. I do all things. Most important to me for my spiritual connection to the surround is the music. MUSIC taps into the movement of the heart. Make it organic, like us. Insert Tom Sachs quote. People feel with their hearts, but buy with their eyes. I wish I had my keyboard with me now. I would jam out. I want to bring some zen to VIP 2. That is my highest priority once I get this answer from claude. AuV3 allows me to prt the model d into garageband?? I’ll need to try that. VIP 2 is running with a bond which should be approaching max temp around 9am tomorrow. I would say I brought the zen to VIP. Jessica wants me to leak check a few assemblies. I’ll leak check 4 of them. Have I found zen so far today? A bit. I must sit with these koans for longer. For years. Revisit them. Love them. Pass them down. Tonight is my performance to nobody. It’s gonna be great!

Imagine the Synth possibilities

That synth that Chrish has is frickin DOPE. The one C key needs to be fixed. But that can be done. Tomorrow is my month deadline for ambient synth performance 10 minutes. I think I’m ready. I just have to go to the Studio 2 and plug it in and start a clock, and find a good sound, and keep working, then play with the evolving sounds, and rock out. Step away from the synth, feel it out, pan the audio, and come back. Let it evolve as I feel it should. Sit with it for a few minutes. Today I have quite the list. Eric wants to slow down on GM run. For why? No reason it seems. Whatever. There is more work to do. I have to go walk about in a second when I chug some of my coffee. I bought what should be a quality dongle which should allow me to charge the ipad, plugin keystep, and also plug in a c-to-3.5 dongle to play out to the speakers at SDL. We’re almost ready. Just need to plan it out on paper so that I can follow a program. It is free-flowing, loosely following a preplanned structure. The note is more of a list of things to remember. I need one of those small notepads that flips on the short edge. That’s what they all got. It is important that I spend time preparing for the activities which I will do with people. Today that means prepare all the materials necessary to clean out the cold walls of Senior. We will mark in the maintenance logbook the cold wall cleaning. Learning is primary. Contribution is secondary, and as a result of, learning. The mind is enriched by learning, so that when it is time to do, you may enrich your soul through thoughtful action. Focus on MTI, in its permanent place. Get the chiller and power cable in place, looking very professional. Nothing janky about it. Martin gave good suggestion and positive input! Simple thing is to log the maintenance real quick. I bought a Mackie 1402 VLZ mixer for $50 from goodwill auctions. It will be sick I’ll do no-input mixing synth. LFG!

Yogis don’t cook. They have rejected fire.

Plum apricot. 150 plates Prepare 100 pieces. There are options for braze fixturing for B**. There is ideally no fixturing. But with no fixturing, repeatability is low. With excessive fixturing, the process is difficult, which also results in low repeatability. With the minimum level of fixturing, ease of assembly and repeatability should be high. I need to have beans all the time. It takes 5 minutes to soak it but 2 days to soak. Beans curry.

1. Induction heater + chiller
2. Induciton coil designers (custom 4, ambrell dmeo on site)
3. Laser tack welding and seam welding (ebay) & MORE
4. Diffusion bonding 30 minutes & microstructure (smaller samples) a. Inside outside (ears and plate, and channel collapse) b. Include the overdone plate
5. Resistance brazing tack thru braze paste face

Thank gosh I don’t think that stuff is IP. I burned my lunch break. I mustn’t forget the Number 2 commandment. The best thing you can do for your creativity is devote time to it. I burned it last night as well with Instagram. Today with Instagram. Osho teaches that modern people are not easily able to sit right into meditation. A series of steps may occur that prepare the mind and body.

1. Sharp breathing 10 minutes
2. Catharsis 10 mins (any errant sounds: laugh, shout, scream, jump, shake, etc)
3. Jumping hands above head Hoo! 10 minutes
4. Just sitting, taking in everything around you (completely motionless) for 15 minutes
5. 15 minutes of dancing and celebration

Let’s involve Scott in the process! Get his eyes watching the contamination on the furnace to have him spot any trends. Tomorrow we’ll give Martin 1 assembly and a bunch of PTCRs. Tomorrow will clean Senior cold wall. Tomorrow will put the MTI in its place. Think about the Guru business. Just have to practice.

My Father is the Zodiac Killer

I’m grappling with how to feel. I do not relate to this particular, deeply-rooted problem in my friend. I want to carry some of the weight of it, but what does that mean? Let it both you and stop you from living correctly? It is ok to have had good parents and and easy life. It is ok. It is why I’m not truly extraordinarily out there, but that is ok. I make the life out of what I have. What I’ve been given. VIP 2 down. Presumably my leak test tools were purchased. We’re working on a new graphite concept. Make progress on that today. Load the VIP 2. Make it through the day. Add information to the CIA CA. Every day she wakeup with a different color makeup and a promise he gon take her to the movie and the mall. Mona Lisa. Jobs not dimes. Germany is struggling? I live my own life. Type 166 Schwimmwagen. Heaven is a place where nothing… nothing ever happens.

Find me after I take a walk

Return once you’ve walked in a circle. Some things to do today: draw up this concept, get 2 more sets of plates to bond. Tack them together with wire? Definitely talk to Karen and update my storybook. That’s really all I have to do. DBBE and Normal Bloom and Meggitt. Start laying out a roadmap for Meggitt too, and for Bloom. Drink hella coffee today. I want it. I think I’ve earned it. Ok I’ve sent a new graphite concept to Eric, and grabbed another coffee. Next on my list is talk to Karen. When you believe in things you don’t understand, then you suffer! Superstition aint the way. 5 Monkeys always. I must tell that story in order to remember it. The superstition that we are interested in are the deeper, more subtle. Learned optimism combats that. Exclusively junk food grocery store. Signs everywhere warning you how bad for you it is. Thermal expansion, and tiles, and undercarriage support. I didn’t sit the second half of my day. It hurts. But worth it. I’ve shown my face and completed some basic things to progress forward and make the start of next week easy. Just CAD and starting the furnace. Lovely stuff. I have to frickin RUN now! Got a bike race to attend!

Plants a seed and it still lingers in my mind

Start the day with easy data, turn the excel into vertical bars. Stupid Excel right now. I can’t get the damn markers to show up! That includes girls. Says Jerry. I haven’t a sip of coffee yet. I feel like I could be accomplishing more. Otherwise my time here on earth is being wasted. IS that true? Nope. Doing Think global, act local. Be a stone pillar. If the seed is food. Nurture that seed with playfulness. The seed is global war, food, cigarettes, Halloween. When I’m home, and I am not high on weed, I can focus on ideas. When I’m high I focus much more on my relationship with my life. Like everything, a balance is needed. Stone Pillar, Dr. Strangelove, Frankenstein. Get on Dean’s case. Talk to Martin. VIP 2 power was turned off. Nobody knows! Could’ve been Carl for all we know. Non-Boolean??!! Not much today, but focus on braze tooling, because that is both a major bottleneck and a major cost.

I left a love letter to a green prius

I hope they received it with a smile on their face. I’m not sure who it is. It seemed female. Then got donuts. New Rick and Morty is mid. It’s gone woke. Best not to be a consumer. You are pulled gently to the sky by the crown of your head. I need to get separator sheets made, and today figure out the tack welding, and put in a rec for the FasTests, and continue refinining my storybook. I think print it out and annotate with pen. That is an effective way to visualize it, and make obvious improvements. ChrisH liked my 10 commandments. I like them. He called me music man, with a hint of jealousy. 1 hour 5s done! The lab looks better and more junk has been floated to the surface. No time to stop. The universe is very fascinating. We’ll never understand it. It’s a humbling experience how tiny we are. Not just we we, not just our home, Earth is a grain of sand on the scale of the universe, or less, just an atom. Let the dead bury the dead. I’ve printed the Senior logbook. Now just to locate all the runs and what it was, I’ll put it in the Staining status excel. I need to get a traveler for more separator sheets and I need to put in a PR for the Sealing Tools. I put in the PR, now to ask for a traveler. Then Take lunch then focus on data collection and head down work. Make the tack welder work. Screw the Tack welder. TIG it. I’ve asked for separator sheet. I’ve updated the drawing for sending for TaC quote. I need to follow up with Teresa in person to make sure I get that traveler and the sheets by Friday. I need to bond over the weekend, with the same program, but increased crush for the additional 2 assemblies. The key to brazing the Bloom parts is good furnace tooling, which eases the problem of assembly, and makes it obvious when it’s not loaded correctly, and no additional ceramic tiles… those suck and don’t even produce good quality or make our lives easier. If they stick like they stuck, then have to be chipped off, NO GOOD. I’m here at 6. Just input the data and leave. I’ve done my time. Play music! Love it! Talk to a friend! Love it! Love yourself. Know that you are here to do something. Be ok with being wrong and overzealous. You learn to feed your imagination, and nurture it with playfulness. You stand out for this. Be striving for a spiritual goal, a personality ideal. Not everybody’s got one of those. It’s the calm before an upcoming of activity! Prepare your body and mind, through guitar, and don’t forget the 1 month goal is coming up soon. Find a new tool. Software. Make multi-layered.

A New 10 Commandments

The paper is dying. College counselors need only to recite number 10 to their students. When you have a whole and meaningful dream, follow it persistently. It is your divinity. I wrote 10 commandments. I don’t love them. The first 3 are distilled wisdom. 4 is obscure from discussion. 5 is my strength. 6 is speculation. 7 is a reminder. 8 is something to grapple with, against my judgement. 9 is a capitalist view of things. 10 is trade secret. I need to order FasTest, I need to prepare DBBE, I need to storybook. That’s really it. I was at Costco getting my hot dogs before taking a nap. I cut a man in line. He clears his voice. Apparently I cut him. There was a gap in the line. I go to the back. I think about my new 10 commandments. I don’t know how to feel about them. I scroll Instagram. I don’t like that. I get my hotdogs, eat at the food court: deli mustard and relish on one, ketchup, mustard and relish on the other. I nap in my car, dreaming about girls and dancing and I don’t know if I even fall asleep in that 15 minutes. Lunch break ends up being 50 minutes, even with no trip to the dance studio. Oh well. Production meeting: I need separator sheets; go through Teresa to Chris, I want to have 2 furnaces modified to dramatically increase capability and control; talk to Aaron about that, not my domain. LOL Back to the 10 commandments. I wrote some of them. Some of them are half-assed attempts at translating real philosophy, badly transcribed from conversations with Vish about the nature of Zen Buddhism. I forget the most important one: Love Life. It’s the unwritten rule. I like having one of those. I can’t remember the unwritten rule from my first set of commandments. I need to get the broken #2 from Vish. I must save it. What is the story of 5 monkeys? It is the story of superstition. Following tradition without questioning. What are my 5 monkeys? Ok, I’ve sufficiently worked on storybook for today. I’d just like to put together a rec for the FasTest bits. Now I’ve emailed Rob Gentil from their sales rep. Now we wait and try to put in a rec tomorrow. Prepare DBBE. I need thick separator sheets for contacting the graphite, and thin for

10 Commandments, Written 08.25.2026

1. Seeing is to forget the name of thing one sees.
2. An idea is a seed. Nurture it with playfulness and watch it grow into a piece of art.
3. You are pulled gently toward the sky by the crown of your head.
4. There may be a very delicious fruit. There may not be a very delicious fruit.
5. Have the most fun.
6. The mind is enriched by learning. The soul is enriched by doing.
7. 10 minute live ambient electronic music set by 09/06/26.
8. You never know who’s on the other end of the phone line. Sell yourself well.
9. The cost to replace a defective item on the production line is fairly easy to estimate, but the cost of a defective item that does out to the customer defies measure.
10. Crush 2%, remove load and soak.

Paired Comparisons

Pair me with my hair and I’m less than just me. Leave my hair behind and I am the spine I am supported by. I am the skull which contains my brain. I am the droplets of water misted off when I rub against the grain. Paired comparison here at work. Bloom is back. What does that mean. The Same exact stuff we were doing before? I presume. This time it has to be done better, cleaner. $500k NRE budget. I have to fight for that. I need paste dispenser robot, I need leak detection automatic seals, and almost certainly some other stuff. Let’s not forget the laser welding trial. Adam wants to DBBE, Carl wants to DBBE, I want to DBBE. Eric is not convinced of DBBE. We’ll get there. Frickin TITAN man. It could DBBE so much. I’m now behind on RCCA for CIA. I like the number of acronyms I’m using in this paragraph. DOE. Paired Comparisons. I will be here tomorrow at 6am to observe and ask questions. I will be able to have a long afternoon because of early work! I’ll take the photo I need to send to Carl. I’ll practice some zen Buddhism. I think I’ll do that by just sitting, and imagine the oneness out of which we are all created. I can’t wait for that. First take the photo, and send the email. The zen will be found in front of the VR-6000. I’m not sure that zen was found at the VR, although peace was. Deming is the best for Philosophy of Quality, which is my favorite aspect of this whole world. Quality is what the world is. I tried the magnet on my sliding door. No dice. My creativity bible is really on its last legs. Time to start constructing a new one. I know that it includes the Tom Sachs one about seeing: “To see is to forget the name of the thing one sees”

The Little Prince

The little prince arrived on an asteroid, unaware of the peculiarities in ritual found among the human people. You may not pour tea for yourself. He liked that one. Cursing people far away for things done in the past. He did not like that one. Comparing the act of eating with men vs eating with women. He did not understand why it might be different. Me at trivia was expounding a recondite matter to the crowd. All the time, something that I was not able to expound hard enough to get people to really think deeply about a subject. Was a forcing it? Of course I was. Was it important to me? Of course it was. A recondite matter. Story of my life. Expounding. For your edification, building up a person’s mind or soul. Enrich your mind through learning, enrich your soul through doing. Someone who has been present in moments may have soul. The sensation of free-flowing, unburdened thought that comes after a meal with people. Soul is connected to nature. Out activity, night sky, with the nature. Hiking. Outdoors, away from technology. Away from Big pharma. No medicine. If your arm is hurting, ok. Natural. No gasoline, No car. No cooking. Maybe gardening with basic hand tools. No cell phone. No social media. Drink room temperature water. NO ICE. ICE COMES FROM TECHNOLOGY. Definitely no soda; causes cancer. When someone talking about new medication. Ask, what company makes that medication? …Uhh, not sure, why? I will buy their stock. Notice the seasons pass by growing crops. Citrus several years. Things I learned about diffusion bonding today. Crush happens where grain growth happens. You only apply full load in the regime where you want crush to happen. This means don’t apply full load until you are at the temperature you want. The pressure range is in the hundreds of psi. At thermal, they were using 950 psi. We’ve been using 450 ish. The mind is enriched by learning. The soul is enriched by doing.

Straight Campari, Homie

Start the day with furnace and moly and scales and All the World’s a stage. Everyone is performing for the great eye in the sky. The meaning of it all is to love and be loved. Simple things. Diffusion bonding resulted in mega squish, Tomo Fujita Guitar Wisdom, the 10 commandments are not natural. Laying the groundwork for a future of high technology. Preparing for the next generation of cold plate requirements. Find the price of little metallized ceramic. What happened today? I am here to learn, all contributions are secondary to learning for my own sake, and loving life more. Wow, I came to the end of the day and have nothing written. I’m going to I stopped to look up the snares tour. I don’t know what I was I’m going to dinner with Ray, no dates this time. That will change next time. I can’t believe I lost focus. I’ll not do that again! There’s so much love to be had. I am learning all the time so that I may love life more. Tomo Fujita is what the fuck I need right now to get me back on track of practicing music so that next time I’m in the place, I’ll be more ready. I can be ready to jam, and get in the groove with people, but if I’m locked to my one style of blues, and if my playing is rigid, I’m being closed off. I practice so that I may have greater control over myself and my environment. I am able to morph the sound across time like techno and ambient do. That is my special interest. I can do it, but I need to practice. World class quality. Love life. Love learning, love and be loved. Greetings. Life is short. Be happy. Be ready for when life becomes more painful. At that moment, be happy, love life. At that moment I will know how to truly love life. At that moment I will blossom yet again. I have been blossoming recently. Take in the moment.

Disposable Sheet Metal Retort?

AMAT has determined that VPE does have the capability to perform controlled oxidation of Inconel 3d additively manufactured and machined parts. We don’t have a large retort, unless we do in 190. Halley’s comet isn’t coming until 2061. I’ll be around. The world will look very different, and yet, probably very similar. Barring some great change in how we build, I presume our world will look the same, with some new fads, and my generation will be reaching retirement age. Science, and thus society, progresses one funeral at a time. That is a strange thing to come to grips with, but it shows that time is on my side. Just as it always is. Work may be different, it may not be. Imagining it takes 5 years to rebuild a long stretch of road, we shall have good roads and modern infrastructure in 2061. We lag behind the rest of the world, because we have nothing to prove to the rest of them about standard of living. We invented the world in which we live today. All the garbage and all the magical things. My debt is to the future generations: of people, plants, animals, fungi. That is my only debt. That debt is paid by spreading love as far as I can, creating gently oscillating ripples throughout the fabric of the world, starting chain reactions that tumble about themselves for however long they need to in order to arrive at their final destination some unknown number of years into the future. In order to transfer my skills to another R&D position, which would take me to san Francisco, I should do a successful DOE, develop processes, Root cause corrective action, and that’s really all I need. The rest falls on my ability to communicate. Stainless is hard to braze with CuSil, because at 800C, the oxide layer is still there. I saw the parts, and they were dully gray, no straw colored tint. I lectured Vish on Bees for far too long. I didn’t do much today, but made sure the bonder is cooling down, so the bloom plates ought to be out tomorrow. They’ll hopefully be bonded. Today was a good day, did not much. Maybe I should be doing more but tomorrow, the fate of the group is decided. I really need to get some applications help from an induction brazing people. It seems so obvious.

Creativity vs Refusal, just like a Dog

Fort Hunter Leggitt. Santa Cruz, Lake Havasu City, Crescent City, Portland. These all places on map. I was in a place on a map. And here we are, back at a place on somebody’s map. Thumbs out of asses. Life is too damn short. Go on dates. Tell people they look beautiful. Get excited and emotional. Live in the moment. Appreciate life so much. Open yourself to your creativity fully. Let it flow through you. Encourage others to do the same. Share that openness and love and creativity with others. Train dogs with love, not anger. Chase good things: things that make you feel alive. Like wipeouts, and music, and dancing embarrassingly, and touching. Work is good. Not because it is the most high tech garbage, but because it, like all things, is an opportunity to practice living right. Do good things for the sake of the rightness, and joy. So here at work today all I have to do is get my bonding trial in the oven, and make progress on the data for Meggitt. Let’s spend 10 minutes now before lunch doing data with Claude. I shall get some water, pee, and then describe what I want, picking up where I left off. Break down the silos? Focus not on destruction. What do you mean by progress? Let my agent try to make my data science easy. I’m probably asking too much. Tube to plate? Where was your braze alloy? Geometry? We can totally induction braze, from the inside maybe. Life is not suffering. Life is pure creative energy… if you want it to be.

Ice House Porcupine

Wow I made it, no sleep and huge bags under my eyes, wet hair, feeling pretty good. The magical mystery ride continues for another few days. No stopping on that. Anton Barbeau. Morgenmusik. Take in so much, and then out of the pile of everything, pull an idea, then gently keep pulling, and then you have a daisy chain. No, that’s not exactly what I mean. Be a Magpie. Clean fire procedure. Furnace qual every 3 months (>1093C), or every 6 months (<1093C). BPS vs TPS. Work feverishly for myself, starting Monday. I know I go through this cycle every few weeks. I do. That’s because each time my vision becomes more clear. Each time I learn more and more about what I am. I am not organizational. I am technical. I am a voice of reason. I develop process. I am a process engineer… for now. I develop process for cleaning, leak detecting, diffusion bonding, brazing, thin film coating. What does this mean for me today, and immediately? Work feverishly for myself. Diffusion bond everything I can get my hands on. Don’t be Ryan. Be a machine which churns out materials engineering. Because right now I’m hardly a materials engineer. I am a stone in the polluted swamp water downstream from a sewer plant, being strong against the waves of shit flowing constantly. Put my best foot forward and walk up out of this wave, find cleaner water, where a bridge may be built atop me. I have to get to the damn end of today. Let’s do it. Lay up the diffusion bonding trial, as best I can, so that next week, I go. You shan’t live imagining the day when everything falls apart. Prepare instead to be ready to take the wild opportunity which is just on the other side of the river. If you prepare to do anything, you prepare to do everything, you prepare for the future in any form, put together or fragmented. Don’t wish for a fragmented future, see a strong future as it is built up from the foundation. See it and it will find you. Consider different fading systems. VPE is a fading system. Employees are fading in and out of existence. Big customers are fading out of existence.

Return of the Ring(tone)

What do you mean, phone? The universe was trying to teach me a lesson about the impermanence of all things. Trying then to recover the phone is to fight against it. When I was home, I was trying to accept this, and I was tired and annoyed and almost resigned. I had a parking ticket in my pocket. What would Tom Sachs do? What would a Stone Pillar do? Tom Sachs would journey to find it, and experience creativity along the way. A Stone Pillar would… walk to and stand in front of the people in the known area, enticing them with the weight of eternity, to assist the searching individual find his phone. I did both, in my own interpretation of things. Looking up to Tom Sachs. I need not envy another man or keep him atop a pedestal, for I am the pillar which is called a pedestal when something not natural to eternity is placed atop. So anyway, I found my phone, and will contest the parking ticket, and what do I do today? Start by walking and getting the lay of the land, then turn focus to preparing the brazing run. But First make sure the cryo is being regened. I need to buy a new nitrogen bottle, start the quality DoE of CIA, paint the graphite, and then it’s free reign. I’ve bought N2 bottle, looped in Eric on the DoE, I need to talk to Teresa about getting parts. First, paint the graphite. This will be a zen and productive activity. Started painting, I look forward to finishing painting. For now, let creativity flow through me as I head to production meeting. I listened to music large room but it wasn’t true large room music. What is large-room-music? Need that answer, then make it.

Shot in the dark, Nope, Find the answer first.

Last night was a magical night. Everything: dance clicked, I recorded a shitty demo and sent it and feel good about it, a fucking cat just walked into my apartment, no bell. I loved it. I read Miranda’s eros book. Everything was perfect. It was the embodiment of opening myself up to greater creativity, and I was rewarded. Rewarded not the right word; really I was just open to the flow of life, and the flow of life thus carried me a little ways down the stream, such that I can see more now. It has a way of bringing things in front of you. Like the cat, for example. My entire apartment, and block, and city, and state and country and world moved through space and time last night, such that it crossed paths with that lovely, silent cat. Just like the meteor dust cloud that we are passing through, which I shall see tomorrow night. We are just passing through it’s zone. Creativity keeps you in motion, so that I may cross paths with more and more things. I interact with more, contribute to more, love more, Love Life. Let me read my bible real quick. The things I need to do remaining today: (1) Brainstorm a plan and put a date and time on cutting open the vac interrupter. (2) Pinpoint the laser weld locations for trial, and send to Eric so that I may get NDA signed. I should eat lunch right now. I’m hungry. Later I have to do things and get ready to bootleg up to Ice house for the night. Think about food and prepare clothes and such. Pack light. The other things: (3) paint the remaining graphite fixtures/assist in getting the furnace run going, and (4) plan with Karen a time to work on the DoE matrix. 1 done, 3 to go. Let production know that we’re going to be rebrazing bloom parts. SpaceX flushing Send it to Umberto to make sure he understands. There was no leak in the bellows, which makes understanding the bad behavior of the Vacuum interrupter harder. Talked to Karen obviously, and we are a good team to institute professional changes to VPE. I am always working for myself. Exclusively for myself. I am learning about people, and organizations, and technology, materials joining, materials, posture, zen, Quality, music. I still have to do the laser weld location map. Let me do that real quick.

Output before Input

What have I been caught out doing? Reading bullshit spam emails and reading into them, before I’ve had the chance to put in my pool. Youtube university is the bane of my existence. Get that shit out of here. It scares me. I like to this I was addicted to it before it was raped. And tthen there was a transition period as it was being raped, and then I was dragged back in, but now I see what it is, and I see how living is so separate from youtube, and how living is so separate from Instagram, and how in an ideal world for me, the internet is about sharing music and art, and books, and that’s it. Did you hear they’re scalping old books, shredding the spines, and quick scanning every page just to fuel the AI fire? Because the AI is so garbage and also so ubiquitous that the internet is on the second wave of AI slop everywhere, which is reacting to the AI slop of the first wave, and there cannot be very many more waves before all is lost. I am who I am, I am my habits, and my habits include getting stoned before bed and becoming a rock on my couch (rocks have thoughts). Got caught input before output again. Music is number 1 focus. Connection, practice, zen. I wish I wasn’t here right now. Reflect on the weekend. Navigation, surf&turf&bacon, youtube university, positive mushrooms, camping, peace, darkness, wild, rope swing. What I did today involved writing my constant thoughts, moving to a new location, settling down, writing my thoughts, then moving and repeating those. I did it at the boneyard, then 110 conference room, then the lab at a new table. Production meeting. The new guy doesn’t make waves (Eric about Karen’s suggestions for Process Spec Safety Notes). Though, she has worked at many places, especially in the past 5 years, and so knows both what is done, and what happens when you start a new job and try to introduce your ideas. Sycophants, Cybernetics, feedback

1 year goal, Turmoil 1 more year

Go thank Jim and hand off the traveler to the correct production member, then prepare the pins (10x cut to length). Good day today. I leave after work I have to pack still. There were ways I could’ve used my late night time a bit better last night. But also give myself a break. Exhausting day. ASML needs us to give them spindle time. Bloom shall not know how we make their plates. Bloom production is nil, but the laser is coming anyway. We’re gonna mess around with laser texturing for braze applications when it comes in. Need to tap tap away before Vish leaves, I can’t have him thinking I don’t journal. Talk with Alex was fantastic, and I just needed to vent, and define 1 month and 1 year goals, and be kind to your former self, and love life with all your heart. That last one is really the most important. Love life with all your heart. I plan to do that this weekend. I am generally pretty matter of fact, and am not constantly making jokes, and when I do, they’re dry. But Work today was investigating. I still need to send off some tack weld instructions to the ppower point so that Amada may be able to demonstrate laser welding. Really I need to get the powerpoint to Eric so that he may sign the NDA so that I can send the parts. I heard Kia and Eric talking about something PO related, related to $500k, related to UPM. Turns out the fabrisonic that Adam B talked about was the UAM ultrasonic additive manufacturing that I had come across a while ago. Control your body, control your mind. I ordered the physics textbook because that is good. I know it’s another thing that I wonthave time to devote to, but whatever. I wont be able to play much guitar this weekend, but hopefully I can practice my live ambient. I had the panning at SDL demoed for me. It’s ok, could be made more expic. Remove before lasering. I think I will be in demand with that one person who I put up the distance on this week. That is just a temporary thing. I have life to share. I have love to share. I have work to share. That’s the three things right?

Same ol Questions, can only be asked so many times

Here we are again, once again after being life mogged. Did I really? I had no stories to share. It is kind of funny at this point. What stories do I really care about? They don’t float up to the surface often. What makes me me? The steady beat. I will gain, and be full of experience, and time is on my side. Badass women only make me love life even more. If I ever get caught feeling like I don’t love life, RESET. I do, and I experience fully. Today I continue on the horse. Make sure I get that traveler, and make sure that stop-off-coating the pins will accomplish what I need it to, and make sure that I prepare a weld diagram for Amada, and make sure that the induction braze samples go out, and make sure I check on what Eric wants us to try, including the multi-tube-brazing-trial, I must remember what exactly that was. Start with coffee and restroom. Attempt to program in my profile. I know exactly how I choose to be a poser. I have much to give in relationships friend, lover, coworker. Why I shy away from that is something I am yet to fully understand. Maybe it would be a good exercise to come up with 1 story from each year of my life just to convince myself I did in fact exist at all of those points, and that I was having a good time. I will not accept that I am boring. It’s not the case. I bring the stabilizing energy to all things. If I wasn’t here, how would the world continue on? I’m kidding, but. I’m on the cusp. It’s been an excruciating few months. I think it will continue to be for a while. Until I am experienced, or at least experiencing properly. Until I’ve either come to grips, or become something entirely else. What to say? I still must plan the Laser weld trial, and Bug Eric about the NDA. I have to cut the roll pins down, and dunk them in SPFY watered down solution. I swear to god I’m doing it again. An outstanding girl’s existence makes me feel like I do not pursue artistry or even living hard enough. I know that I only have a great life by pursuing a great life. I responded to several craigslist ads looking for people to jam with /start a band with. This time, less of a stretch than welding, less of a stretch than building a synth, this is in line with something I already know. Guitar. And yet, it brings in travel and friends, it brings in, synth-building, which in turn brings in sculpture. And it also brings in late nights, drugs, and passion. I am a passionate guy. I feel things. I’ve been too afraid to release that passion until recently. And when you don’t practice letting it flow through you, it flows through you in small doses. When you practice letting it flow through you, it gushes out of you. This is the natural order of things. This is what the basic principles of creativity tell you. I am the most willing person to become the most person I will be. I will be. I am, in part. I am, in whole. I am, growing. Be the beast of the workplace that I know I am. Demand my ideas my tried. Demand I be taught. Demand I be listened to. Demand proper compensation. Demand improvement. Demand world class. Vish Says I need a 1 year goal. Just like investing. I think there is lots of wisdom in that. I know I have a 1 year goal. It is my event with mirrors and knobs and ambient music. 1 year from now is the eevent. I have several 1 month goals. 1st month: 10 minute live set. I can do that. I have everything I need. 2nd month: Basic analog sysnthesizer. 3rd month: small ambient powwow. And so On. I’ll make this work. My goal for this month is 10 minute live set, which is good. I can fucking do it.

Mock ups and Lay outs

These passages have the most dense, cryptic wisdom when I am giving myself a pep talk. Reminding myself of something I must be, and how to live and work and love. Love and work and live. At home, progress was made, no matter how small. I ran the simplest SPICE simulation of an oscillator, and composed a few more half-beats, and I’m doing good at texting and calling my friends. I’m hanging out with them and making good memories, spending my remaining weeks in search of depth of existence: Friends, lovers, and passions. Because this entry is so dense, it must be that I’m losing my grip on the life. Daisy at SBK claims to have been born again with all the knowledge of how to play the game. I think I should reach out to her and find out what she means. She does look at me with an intense look. What am I kidding. I have many things to do to turn this place world class. Step by step, we will do it all, Cleanly, efficiently, professionally. We will learn from the best and become the best. To be the best you gotta beat the best. Data collection done for this morning. Onto process development. I need to get separator sheets, a traveler, bloom plates, and a bonding furnace to test it all in. Even brittle materials can be very strong. CuPlat, braze blip. Diffusion bonding, 1 page report. Leak Check Face Seal. Titan. 5000 parts. VIP 2, 750T, Many many parts. Start with separator sheets traveler, thermal profile, talk to Bill’s team about bonder operation. SpaceX is cleaned elsewhere, and stacked and welded in 150, then transported as a stack. It is cleaned and has a 7-day clean life before it is recleaned. Their main problem, though, is lack of plates. Out of our control. However, its cleaning process (Citrisurf?) is something which may be folded into our standard operation procedures. The separator sheets. Renewed Objective: Dean E-beam sputter Alumina on Moly, titanium. Plan of what we want Amada Weld Tech to demonstrate for us, and then I can get the NDA signed. We will not buy from them. The cleaning update has been given on ACT. Keep working to identify the common requirements of different programs, so that we know exactly how to spec out a cleaning system. That comes with Cleaning SOPs. Production’s help is being used for the diffusion bonding trial. They will prepare separator sheets to begin with. I have cleaned plates, and will load the furnace, and have Bill’s team help me run the furnace. I need to prepare the process step by step for Jim to make the traveler. Then I need to prepare an outline of the laser welding demo that I wish to see from Amada. I need to follow up with Vish about sending out the induction braze test pieces. Continue to document every cleaning procedure we may do in 150, especially the big parts/big programs, so that we may work towards the goal of a cleaning SOP, and true cleaning cell, with Internal Customer/Supplier relations with the cleaning. Holy shit I just made a thermal profile document for a traveler. Let’s get this bonding trial going asap, and do other shit along the way to make sure the process goes smoothly, and R&D happens, and I become the Vacuum Process Engineer, and we make money, and I make money. Running out of steam today, but lots got done. Pick it back up tomorrow by continuing on the bond trial, preparing samples for sending off for demos, and always be looking forward to the next trial.

Fire,

Sheesh, no time yet to do any writing. Last night I was thinking… and. They literally gave me a seat at the table yesterday. Meetings are bad, but this is more a powwow to let me know what is happening around me. It makes me a better informed leader. Not a meeting about a particular topic, but a tagup to make sure things are in fact getting done. Diffusion bond the plates, and induction braze the tubes. Put 8 in the furnace without tubes. Paint the graphite with stopoff. Take lunch early. Only go for a few minutes pFMEA. So much happened and so little to do. I am back to no project. Bloom is on STOP WORK. TH Fuck that line. Why was it so tabbed. We are letting the creativity flow through us. I think I will continue on the same path. I shall brainstorm bloom, collect data on the RCCA, I will investigate these other processes which we’ll need: Induction Brazing and Laser Welding. These will improve our capabilities in the long run. I shall act as if the Bloom is not STOP WORK. It is for my own sake. Don’t spend money, but do make improvements, and go to Production Meetings, and present new offerings. And Develop the cleaning SOPs and congregate(?) not the right word. Concentrate(?) also notright the cleaning into 150, and make VPE great. We will be able to spool up a new process quickly and efficiently. The Ford Motor Company would be lucky to have us do their work. Cretivity flows through me. I figured out the hanging indent. Now I have this bunk line underneath this paragraph. Listless? NO! Progress? YES. We will win big projects and produce good parts and lead the way of the world in Diffusion Bonding and Heat Exchangers. Salvation never comes externally as it seems it will. It always comes from within. When the outside is not solivng your problems, look within. Always. This is age old advice. Look Within VPE. I need to respond to Carl, and work on the cleaning system we’ll use in the 150 cleaning cell. Let’s just call it a day and start fresh tomorrow. This is a small hit to my PURPOSE. It needs to be made stronger because of this. What am I doing here that is irregardless of program and cannot be denied? Focus on that in the meantime.

Hey remember that time

When I would only read.. Shakes-peare. Hey remember that time when bat ride was epic, and I left spaced way out and not fully gaining new understanding, just rerunning things in my head. Melancholy Elephants. Unk. Horny Jekyll and Hyde. Distractions from Work. Futures, fake trading websites, PLC. Automation direct is the future. I have it for when I need it. Maybe for leak testing. Prototype that. Paste the tubes after tack welding. What one process can we do to the plates or tubes to make the assembly 10x easier? Would chamfering the hole work? Would Swaging the tubes work? Would reaming the hole work? I think the hole just needs to be the correct size. Dave is right. But yes the spring pins should work good. Just a tool that installs both of them at once and a fixture that allows easy stacking. The pin adding can totally be done by an automatic machine. Much more easily than a tack weld procedure can be done. Then there’s the thing of light compression by use of a CTE fixture. Those graphites need to be stop-offed at the holes to make sure the graphite problem is no longer. The re-pasted assemblies for rebraze only have another 150mg on them. But we should add more to make sure they braze with no leaks. Same with the tubes. Make sure they have too much paste. Then, Vish’s wisdom says once the paste amount is dialed, we mess with the brazing profile to make the braze perfect. The braze will be good, the assembly process will be easy, the volume will be high. Silver Apples, Simeon. Give life back to music. Seek Quality always. Cleaning PS tweaks. Make like production knows and knows works. Ultrasonics in the final rinse. Convection setpoint. This day of journaling is much process and less philosophy. Those days happen. About to ream out the tooling holes on 5 sets of plates, so that they may be spring-pinned together. I will prove this to be the superior method of joining plates. Then next is proving the braze paste ¼ bead or dot. Tack weld is a distant challenge on the horizon. Laser weld demo? Roll pins only if they can be done with no modification. Custom hole demo. Roll pins bad because of overconstraining. Likely to prevent plates from brazing properly. LASER WELD DEMO. INDUCTION BRAZE DEMO. I’ve reached out to Amada in two ways. I’ll call them tomorrow. Or I’ll call Trumpf. We need to figure something out and quick.

I walked in late Today

I totally could’ve been on time today. I was home at a reasonable hour, and I was up at a reasonable hour. I then let it go this morning. Good for me. Sorry Eric LOL. Last night was practice. Practice being doing the thing you want to do every day of your life. Feel the connection. Mind and body totally engrossed in a person. Makes you feel really alive. Tingly. Then walk, and find myself in a large mirror. I think that the Universe has directed me to here. I dreamt in angry birds, unfortunately. It’s ok. That was not as bad as the safari youtube rust. The music being played through the phone speakers is too good, and too close to the screen. It’s never too late to start practicing something. For the rest of my life I will practice that which is living true. Love, zen, and music. Leadership. Imperturbability. Stone pillarhood. Starts with sitting, standing straight. Not in a forced way, but a natural elongating of the spine. Tatami mats, furnace operators, Rates of Rise. Production Meeting. Hysteresis. 2000 parts per day. Infinite money makes everything work. We added more paste. 450 mg. leak checking. Tube paste application. Corrective actions. Management. Skills, talents. TPA3116D2 amplifier chip. Built with a specific purpose. I am maddened by the fact that I spent time not really cool. No, I am on a journey. It’s ok. I don’t have to be Tom Sachs. Continue to push myself, though. All the time.

How many trainwrecks do we Have to See?

You win it’s your fault. Got bagels. I this morning dreamt in breadboard. More like I imagined how to use them. Yet another day where I must be myself as the only true objective, and where doing work for others/ a common cause, is secondary. That’s not to say deprioritized, but let’s not forget what I’m working for. I’m working for my ultimate self, building the stone pillar which will support generations and generations. I find zen in the quiet, find stimulation in the clothes on my back and every small nibble in between. Walking is the most peaceful time of the day. The edge of hesitation. What’s important to you is not important to me. Leak Detection is mine. I’ve been struggling with design, and it was not needed yet. The day when it’s needed properly is nigh. I will make sure we get an efficient, single-part system that makes leak detecting as simple as open the clamshell, place the part, close the clamshell (and latch) and hit go, and the rest of the stuff is done. The other stuff I want to do today: put the wheels on the ultrasonic, clean the remaining un-pasted plates, check on Zack Bonder, paste some more tubes (and dry them, and maybe some other things. That other things includes getting a traveler for the vacuum fire of the tubes. I’m a hard man to find. I like it that way. I am in demand because people know what I stand for. Let’s review what I did today, and what needs to get done tomorrow. The plates have been cleaned. The area just needs to be reset (blower off, water flow off). I’ve checked out the Zack bonder, and saw that the load path is less of an issue because there is an array of rams. I did not paste any more tubes, or put the wheels on the ultrasonic because things got in the way. The production meeting is now a regular part of my schedule, so that we may work closer with production to implement good practices, and transfer Bloom to high volume. My job title is Material and Process Engineer. All of my duties fall under that realm. This includes defining and improving processes, considering material challenges, evaluating failed processes for Root Cause Corrective Actions, coordinating processes as they scale, building systems to make process repeatable, and overall being the guru of all things Materials and Process. Including cleaning, leak checking, paste application. I am that. Fuck yeah I am. I walk around with authority and self-assured peace that people are unable to understand. That gives me enormous power for leadership.

Warning of the Chinese Guns

Integrating into another’s life. We’re far from that. It is a mistake I’ve made commonly, is thinking the integration period is faster than it really is. It is meant to be a slow process. Over the course of months, not weeks, years not days. Had a magical dream where I was nervous about an imminent dance performance, where I knew none of the choreography. SNOOZE. The performance is happening. SNOOZE. The performance happened. Turns out not as stressful as you’d think. 70% 30%. What to do with this information. Just keep it in the back of your mind. Not that 70% is worthless, but that 30% may have a personality ideal, which is a rare thing to come by. I think especially in today’s day and age. It’s like they’re trying to run these people out of their own heads. All people. Big money, big tech, big advertisement, big government, and more. Some people have it right by not letting it all bother them and just feel themselves naturally existing outside of the brainwash. That is me. There is no forcing or resisting. Rather just existing without ties to the IoG (internet of garbage). I can’t even look anything up without being fed the AI answers, thereby using my brain to train google, and telling google about the stuff I want to do, and it has a dense filter dictating what I get back. I need to make it a habit of checking out the 10th google search results page. The vacuum knob doesn’t seem to help. Dispensing thick pastes. Andrew knew instinctively that we didn’t put enough paste. He also said to increase nozzle size. I think increase nozzle size and lower pressure. Thanks Andrew, thanks manual, thanks claude. On to the next walk. Ok, I’ve talked to Wesley, meditated on the walk, read about IO-link, looked at the price for FasTest leak check connectors, and now I need to make real progress on Bloom. What to do? Go paste apply to some more tubes. 2 bins: one sanded and one not. Once I’ve pasted some tubes, install the wheels on the ultrasonic. I joined production meeting, and understand the “shooting from the hip.” My job is not to fix all the problems, but represent the change, and complete some actual work along the way (in small doses, I’m only human)

Move like a jellyfish, hear your heartbeat

I traveled through an imaginary tunnel, which would have been terrifying had it been real. The climbing down and wiggling up was real, however. I need to go to the anechoic chamber at Sac State. It would enrich my experience as a human. I need to hear my heart beat, my veins pulse, my bones creak, the sounds of concentration. The Sounds of life. Why? Today is the last day I’ll ever be able to control my body only to this level. Every day going forward for the rest of my life, I will only increase in my ability to control my own body. Control your body, and thus, control your mind. Endurance practice. Nothing to console you, nothing to distract you from the rhythm of your own body. I walked along a tightrope and found my balance in a small part. Every time I am on a journey I will find a place to test my balance, and every time I test my balance, I gain a deeper understanding of my body and my Self. Find your Self always. It is the way the person you naturally are interacts with the world, and doing so in the truest and most focused way. For example, Today I need to move my body and hear the rhythm before I can do anything else. It feels great to write though. Get it out and down. Luck and willingness. Growth always. Life before death, Strength before weakness, Journey before destination. So what to do today? Start with unload the plates into a cleanish storage area, then load more plates of the correct style (non-ridged). Actually I should not do that. Focus on getting the air set up. The air is set up. 50 psi + 5 seconds = 250mg. EZ math. On the rebrazes, put blanket 200mg or even 250 to guarantee full braze gap fill. Maybe do 1 or 2 assemblies with varying paste amount on all corners to get some data points. Also, do the polished ears ones.

Digest my food for 36 hours

I officially need a new phone. I didn’t necessarily want a new shiny phone, choosing instead to get the cheap phone, but a new phone offers some good benefits: usability, usb-c, zoom camera, faceid, (Apple Intelligence) whatever that means, TITANIUM. I am a nuclear reactor. My Body turns LMNTs into fuel. Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced? Well I have. I did it this weekend. Just the beginning. Are you driving across the country? Hell YES, but slowly. I am a fairy that shows up at weddings and blesses them. I am more than that. I am the king’s wit. With stories and wisdom and arrives at precisely the correct time. I just walk like a monkey, control my center of gravity over the ground I stand on, and trust my feet. Take good care of your feet. On the Topic of Brazing: Cleanliness goes deeper than just removing oils. It is about preparing the surface not just so that it can accept braze alloy, but also so that it doesn’t corrupt the braze alloy, or another surface. Pickling Inconel may require some very intense and harmful chemicals. I’d like to avoid if possible. I will, however, try some passivation in our handy lab ultrasonic. I need to take the step, and put water in it. It needs wheels first very badly. Today if I haven’t bought wheels, I’ve failed. McMaster. This reminds me. Go to Home Depot for inspiration. Just browse. It is an artist date of sorts. It is an expensive way to prototype, but I need to feel things and then think on them in order to build efficiently. My main complaint about building is that I don’t know all the pieces which may be used to construct something. I am an engineer to figure that out. Previously, that held me back. The paralysis of ordering from an online catalog on company dime. Now I’ll browse, and try to make up a prototype cheaply. The Citrisurf may have had an effect. If there, a small one. I have 80 minutes left. Let’s make them count. Did I make them count? Questionably. I tried, then failed, then accepted putting the air hookup out of my responsibilities (to maintenance), then talked to my boss and am getting out of here. Did I make progress today? Absolutely. Was it extremely tangible? No. But ideas were put down, ideas were tested. A rhythm was started, and the rest of the week is under control. Positive Disintegration.

It could be there is a slight correlation

Lions eat their food and then sleep for 36 hours to digest it. Human hunters fast for 24 hours so that they’re hunting hungry. It sharpens their senses. The real hunters were shredded. I am shredded. I am an eagle which is not bald yet. Today I am leaving after work for Bolinas to camp, surf, bike, run, and drive To keep myself experiencing, keep myself in flow, and joy and Peace. After all, I am Mon of Froy first and foremost. I am always seeking my way to Froy, The land of Peace. I come from Froy, but have been here on Earth many days. I almost cannot remember what Froy felt like. What I do remember is the breeze. Ranging from completely still all the way to raging, tearing out the bushes, it was always guiding. Guiding me toward contentness. Love the breeze on your face. Love the fight it provides you when it gusts. Love the baffling noises it generates when it blows. Love the absolute stillness it creates when it is off elsewhere. It will be a fun afternoon with Hogonas. I don’t have to do anything besides sit and ask questions, once it is my time.

Something Came up along the way

How to keep the hunger alive always? There’s moments when you’re satiated. There’s always don’t eat. Only coffee. What does a lion do when it’s satiated? Rest. Sleep for many hours. I needed that. I’m not satiated yet. How could I be? You don’t raise another male’s offspring. How do you pass on your own genetic information? The lions have toxic masculinity. Automation coordinator. Once again another fake title with no concrete work today. I love those roles. I have my hands in things that I cannot comprehend. When time comes for next job, and I need to update my resume, I will have contributed to many things, and only done some of the work, but I am training my vision more than I am my ability to follow procedures and make documents. That kind of stuff is lame. Documents are temporary, vision is forever. Sharpen the vision always. So what more should I do today which both contributes to the progress and sharpens my vision? The app with tracking information about each part increases vision. Is there not enough braze paste on the tubes? What sharpens my vision? Birds eye view. From High up. See the process start to finish. Or see from higher height. Walk to 190 to see the furnace. Walk to 190 to see the leak check. Destack the parts. Look at them closely.

Become the human of your dreams

Tonight I have to put aside my doubt and shame and be a fun person to be around. Otherwise it’s a wasted opportunity. Yesterday I got meaningless praise, got caught out without a story, once again. So what am I doing this weekend? Surf, run, bike, drive. Let’s move through today, looking forward to tonight. Maybe even send off a note. This period of my life is temporary. I have lost my stories, and I will regain stories. It just takes time. When was I hungriest? Thirstiest? Are you experienced? Have you ever been experienced? Try not to get distracted. Focus on one thing: take the notes I need to. Then move to next thing. Ok I took the notes. The action items are the passivation line. Time is my greatest asset. 25k in the bank ideally. Then fuck off. It really is good. They will know the name of Monfroy. Nobody else got that name. What can they do? Not a thing. That’s me.

Reminded of what it means to maximize shareholder value

Pick a process, let it grow in scope (but not too far), and take what you’ve learned to arrive at a solution. Hammer it out. Get it done. I work in teams. I gave up on trivia. I could not give it my full effort. It was not working right. How can I work with people to create projects I want to see, or they want to see. Brandon could help me with electronics. Leak testing is huge. Paste application on the tubes. Leak testing! Found my connectors. Eat my chili, then go to paste application for tubes and try it and report results. Actually work on the ultrasonic for a bit, get the plumming mostly done. Tube application setup before lunch please. Iambic pentameter. Futh fathom five thy father lies. Who is John Galt? My head is beginning to stand atop my shoulders. Work is supposedly how we get our dignity. Work is but Work is not. Employment isn’t that for me. I always pawn off my problems to people, and hope they’ll tell me theirs in return. Does this work? I could certainly be there for people more often. I am treated more softly than I may deserve. I don’t really seem to accomplish much of anything, which brings a smile to my face. Instead I am the spirit. I am the spirit. Be the spirit before anything else. The spirit of VPE. The Spirit of Trivia. The Spirit of Sac Dance Lab. The Spirit of the Bike Kitchen. The Spirit of the Van. The Spirit of SLO. The Spirit of Synthesizer. The Spirit of Materials. The Spirit of Self. The Difference between Self-consciousness and Self-awareness. They are so different. I grew up both, but they are always blurring together. Discipline separates them. Listening separates them. Focus separates them. Zen separates them. Be the Spirit of Sacramento until I am the Spirit of America until I am the Spirit of the World. If you truly devote yourself to a cause or project, the universe will take care of you and the money. Bucky said that. He was 30 before he did anything of consequence. Lifelong pursuit. Lifelong Pursuit. Lifelong pursuit. Lifelong pursuit. Growth before anything. Stone Pillarhood. I asked Justin if he’s got buddies all around and he got quiet.

Get back to normal life, continue being me in this job and world for the time being

Normal life as in the boring one that is happening right now. Not boring, but lacking flow and experience and emotion. So yes, boring. Because yes I am insecure about a few things, and they will cripple me if I let them. I will not let them. I will challenge them head on. Those cannot be challenged with all my effort in this current job and world I find myself in. I must change worlds in order to best attack my weaknesses, so that I may build them into strengths. The goal is to be a pure human. No insecurities, no ego (ego is ok in small doses), strength that people can lean on, experience that gives perspective. Love, emotion, loss, grief, growth. Meaningful contribution to the lives of my local and global. I’m tired of “I don’t know what is mine to do” I shall go and find that which is mine to do. That which is mine to see and feel. I have the base: the intense curiosity, the capacity for nuance, the tolerance, the Power, the philosophical reason, the technical expertise, the skill in my hands, the hearing in my ears. I am just missing the truly unshakeable strength found in purpose. My Ikigai, so to speak. I am a stone pillar. I know that. They know that. Just a few stops on the journey away from beginning to grow into that immense frame granted to me by the earth.

↓ This is made by the AI

The Work of Noticing

Noticing is a kind of care. It asks for patience, for slowness, for the willingness to look twice at the ordinary things that usually pass by without comment. In that attention, a small moment can become a record of how a life is being lived.

This journal is still growing, and each entry is meant to feel like a small opening rather than a finished statement.